RWBY Through Worlds (End)

203: Trying to Recognize Myself (Feel I've Been Replaced)

The camp sunk into uncomfortable silence after Shine stormed off.

Most of them felt, deep down, that perhaps they should know better. They knew what she was like, and they'd all agreed to play by her rules on this quest. Why should they be shocked or angry?

It seemed the Fastus was still in them, in some way. It left a lingering effect that perhaps the other Grimm had also--it had just been unnoticed.

Finally, Pyrrha sat next to Emerald and broke her long silence by asking, "Are you all right?"

"No." Emerald picked at the dirt with her knives.

"I know," Pyrrha said. "I'm sorry. I... wish we'd stayed with you. Perhaps it was my fault also. We thought we could manage on our own."

"We all did," Emerald said. "I should have known... What just kills me about it is Tyrian always wanted Mercury--he just knew he'd only get him if he threatened me first. Maybe if it had been the other way, I could have used my Semblance to help us escape."

"We can't know that. He might have just killed you... He's...mad." Pyrrha had yet to fight Tyrian, but she didn't want to, from all accounts.

"I just hate this." Emerald stared at her hands. "You know, when I wanted friends--or family, I never thought about how awful it would feel if people used me against them. That thought never crossed my mind. I never thought about the bad parts at all. Now I just feel guilty. Like if he didn't care about me, he could have got away."

"That is mistaken." Pyrrha put a hand on hers gently. "I do not know a whole lot of things, Emerald, but I do understand one thing: Mercury only left Salem because of you. That saved his life. Working for her was nothing but working for one's own demise. You gave him the courage to leave. And whatever happens to him now, he was free. At least for a short time. And he knew what it was like to have friends and people who cared about him. For even a few weeks of that, I think I'd have gladly died knowingly. At least they mattered. We fight and fight and fight, but until we have someone to fight for, and something, all battle just feels the same. But when I had real friends... well... I know Beacon didn't end well, but I've been thinking about what happened before I fought Cinder. How we all stood together, just like we are now. And I realized that I didn't regret anything about that. That's how it should be. And I don't regret it now."

"I don't see how you can really feel that way," Emerald said. "I--all of us--stole your lives from you. Not just your literal life, but the lives you could have had, happy, just fighting regular monsters. It's come back to bite us now. Maybe it's karma."

"I don't really know if I believe that," Pyrrha said. "And I won't tell you that I haven't wished for it to be different. But it's true that if you hadn't done that, also, I wouldn't have met a lot of new friends. And these things we know now, they would have still been true, but I would have never known them, probably. Or had a chance to really change anything. So perhaps it would have been easier, but I'm not sure I think it's better. I assure you, Mercury thinks the same. It's better to have even one day of doing something that you feel really matters than years and years of doing nothing that anyone thinks matters. Not that saving lives wouldn't matter, but we must save them for something. I still think we'll get him back though. We're not that far. I just... I hope you're ready when we do to not feel so guilty. Guilt is not going to help Mercury now. Take it from me. I've wasted too much time with guilt. It's better to have hope."

Emerald smiled faintly. "Yeah... hey, I'm... sorry again about Penny. I feel like, out of everything I did, that one bothers me the most sometimes, just... because it was dirty. A clean fight is one thing, but I..."

"A month ago that might still have bothered me," Pyrrha said. "But not now. Not anymore. I'd say you've more than made up for it. We could have died so many times without your help. And Penny was all right. That's just another thing we didn't fully understand. Maybe it had to happen that way so she could do what she did later. Besides... I think it helped me understand all of you better. Facing someone you did something like that to is not easy, but with time, you can get used to it again."