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CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
the golden trio


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I follow JJ down the steps of his porch, while John B steps out of the Twinkie. I cross my arms on my chest, partially because it's chilly outside, and partially because I'm mad at my brother. JJ hooks his fingers on the loops of his pants, squaring his shoulders.

"Well, look who it is. Nice of you to show up." The corners of JJ's mouth tug down for a split second as his eyebrows shoot up. "You gonna spill the beans?"

My brother's face is a reflection of doubt and regret. He must be feeling conflicted about what to do next. I'm not sure I can help. I want to know the truth too, as much as JJ does.

"Are you gonna tell us the truth, John?" I say, my voice sounding tired and soft, almost like an echo barely audible in the night.

John B takes a deep breath, and his lips part in anticipation when he speaks.

"Look, I know I've been a little shady. And..." He hesitates, "Stretched the truth a little bit."

"Yeah, that's called lying." JJ snaps back, clearly annoyed.

My hand searches for something to grab, to remind JJ that I'm still here. My finger hooks around the belt loop nearer to me, and I tug slightly, enough to get his attention. JJ sneaks a look back at me above his shoulder. His features relax when I flash him the tiniest smile.

"Yeah, I know."

"Just- Tell us the truth." I plea to my brother.

"I don't know how to say this to you, Bee." He shakes his head, blinking away some tears.

My eyebrows furrow. The speed at which my heart is beating picks up, and I can feel the familiar cold sweat in the palms of my hands.

"What?," I breathe out, "Just say it."

"Our dad killed two guys."

I remember clearly the moment Shoupe told us John B and Sarah had gotten lost in the storm. I also remember vividly when Peterkin came home and told us our father was officially a missing person.

There's this... ache in your chest. It's almost as if someone was holding the weight of the world on top of you, and all of the sudden they just let it drop. It crushes you.

And then, you feel kind of numb. Like, there could be a bomb going off right next to you - you wouldn't feel a thing. And your ears ring, because even though your mind can't process the amount of emotional or physical pain you're suffering, your body can.

If you're lucky, you'll react quickly. Surely you'll panic - I panicked. But when you don't panic... That's when things get bad. Because you're in shock. And until your own mind decides you can take it, you're not going to be able to breath, or think, or speak, or exist.

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