midnight thoughts

the reason i write

apr./9/2023, 2:28 AM

i know i often write like an incredible poet

conveying such intense feelings and emotions

portraying experiences and stories in incredible ways

i know people consider me a good poet

and as much inspiration i have

sometimes that dries up too

my motivation and energy are drained often

and so i can't quite find the right words to write

but the urge is still there

"keep on writing," i hear a voice say

"never stop, keep going"

and i suppose it works sometimes, much like now

i force myself to write

even if just a little

keeping all this emotion bottled up will only create a poem of chaos

so i try to write

maybe whatever first comes to mind

of course, that being none other than you

you're a very good muse, you know

you've give me so much to write about

you've made me feel something that no one has been able to make me feel before

not even her

i don't know how to describe it

but it's a good feeling

it's warm

much like your embrace which i miss so terribly

all our moments, good and bad,

they inspire me

and so i write about you

perhaps as a way for me to remember

so that i never forget the good times we've had

or maybe as a way for me to never forget why i love you

even if you hurt me

this feeling is so powerful

it's overwhelming at times

but for you it's all worth it

and that does scare me sometimes

it's new

something i've never felt before

and it makes me scared

i don't know what to do with it

i have no words for it

no experiences

no memories

so what do i do with a feeling i wish to convey but don't even know how to name?

even with you it leaves me silent

merely your presence is enough to spark a chain of emotion in me

you leave me speechless every time

i don't think i'll ever be to accurately describe what this feels like

but

i think it's all the love i have for you

combined with the horrifying thought of losing you