midnight thoughts

the thing about human connection

feb./16/2023, 10:39 PM

human connection is a very intricate thing

quite complex, like our brains

we seek connection as if it were a survival instinct

because, in truth, it is

we look for places where we belong

where we can feel accepted

where we won't be useful

often, that is how groups form

society is built upon this unspoken rule

and within these large groups

there are individuals who, despite finding the sense of belonging they so longed for,

still desire a deeper connection

not only do we look for a place in the world,

but we also look to prove that we are not alone

we look for love in corners where not even life can sprout

i am but a mere human

constricted by these ideals of humanity

i, too, am bound to look for that connection

that unique, selfless connection we call love

and i do look

everywhere i go

the leaves,

the trees,

the buildings,

the sounds of people laughing,

of passing cars,

of birds flapping and singing their morning call

and perhaps for a fleeting moment i feel it

a shred of love for the world

so large and cruel yet so full of affection

even in the cracks of the earth that split deep into its nucleus

but still, it is not enough

the world is not mine

i am but a passerby of time

from the dirt i rose

and to the dirt i shall return one day

such is the cycle

i know it all too well

yet i persist

perhaps out of desperation

i search and i search

i seek the connection that will finally make me feel like i was worth something

like i was more than a creature of the land

and though it took me many long years to find

i found you

in my darkest times,

where i thought there was nothing left for me,

you arrived at the most unexpected time

it took me by surprise

and at first i did not accept it

i refused to taint you with my blood

however,

what i did not notice

is that we are both tainted by the swords of time