apr./14/2023, 7:57 PM
i find it so funny,
i'm just so fucking replaceable, aren't i?
so easy to get rid of?
so easy to break?
but no one cares, of course.
no one gives a shit,
they could care less.
they all use me to their heart's content,
and the second they don't need me anymore,
they throw me out.
like an expired milk carton,
i'm useful until they say i am,
and then what?
am i supposed to rot alone?
worse than i began?
they're all oh so happy when they leave.
like they could never be better,
like they fucking enjoyed leaving me on the curb.
they benefit so much and what about me?
do they even know what they leave me with?
paranoia wherever i go,
unstable breathing,
heartbeat going from fast to slow again and again,
eyes sunken and lifeless,
trembling hands,
legs that won't stand still,
eyes darting everywhere, scanning whoever comes close,
pure fucking terror,
constant panic attack that clings to me like a starving dog,
ache in my chest worse than dying,
completely numb but in a manic state at the same time,
my thoughts running faster than my own mind, full of any and every emotion,
angered, sad, grieving, afraid, in denial,
lashing out at everyone that tried to help,
crying a river for someone that'll never come back,
overthinking, overthinking, overthinking,
mind on autopilot running faster than machinery, processing every little thing,
isolating myself, refusing to eat, refusing to talk,
blasting music as loud as humanly possible in an attempt to drown out the voices,
voices screaming at me, insulting me, belittling me, making me miserable, trying to kill me,
looking at my hands as if i were a monster because i am a monster,
bloodied and battered,
destroying everything around me,
destroying everyone around me.
that's what i do best apparently,
hurting everyone i love.
every single fucking person i've loved a little more than i should,
always leaves.
they always go.
maybe i've trusted the wrong people, that's true,
आप पढ़ रहे हैं
midnight thoughts
बेतरतीबthe things i write when i can't sleep no idea when this will update, it kinda just happens the date shown when the chapter starts is when i wrote it
