midnight thoughts

irreplaceable

oct./30/2022, 11:03 PM

you changed my life from the moment i met you

and you continue to do so every moment you can

you entirely revolutionized the way i see things

the way i see the people around me

the way i perceive life

the way i see myself

and you saved me from one of the darkest moments in my life

now i want to do the same for you

but i think that

along the way

one thing was completely ruined

i've become desensitized to love and affection

if it isn't from you

then i refuse it

i don't know why this happens

maybe out of fear

or maybe your presence gave me a sense of belonging and safety

whatever reason it may be

i think that as long as i remember you

i'll never be able to move on

but it's been so long

i keep telling myself there's no point

but i hold on

i hold onto that thin shred of hope

because as long as even an ounce of hope exists i'm willing to try

but it's beginning to hurt

it gets harder and harder to hide it

i've been given opportunities to move on

but every time i do

the thought of replacing you with someone else i don't know as much as i know you

just feels wrong

it makes me feel scared

a life without you is not a life worth living

so i hide and i hide

and i pray

to whichever god there is up above, if any

that one day you can look at me the way i look at you

i want you to realize how madly in love with you i am

because i might just lose my mind if i have to keep up with this lie