One Summer with the Sinner (Monteverde Series 5)

42

Chapter Forty-Two

VANE JASON

It feels like some has pressed the reset button of this cruel game I've been playing.

Just when I thought I was getting better at managing my emotions and having some real progress with moving on from her, she suddenly shows up in Bicol, visiting my father's grave without preamble. And what's worse is that she looks as beautiful and graceful as I remember. Not one thing has changed about her, and I don't know if that should be comforting or terrifying, or both at the same time.

Just like that, I'm back to square one. Just like that, she has me undone once more. Just like that, I'm back to missing her voice, her laughter, her warmth, every single thing I can think of about her... every single thing I've loved about her. And for a moment, I let my thoughts spiral deeper, into the memories we've created, the memories I've been telling myself for so many months to let go of, the memory of a summer love that never lasted.

I've never been this shaken to see an ex before. But then again, she's not just that.

Even thinking of her in that sense makes pain shoot up to the surface.

"You're not going to try to talk to her?" Abuela asked, visibly watching my reaction. I shifted uncomfortably on the seat as I shook my head.

"I don't see the point." I released a heavy sigh. "She looks great. She must be doing great. And I'm not going to be the person who ruins that. I've taken her peace once, and I won't ever forgive myself if it happens again, abuela."

"Don't you miss her?"

"I do, every single day."

"How do you know she doesn't feel the same?"

I considered that, but then I shook my head, sure of the answer. "After all that has happened between us, she'd be crazy to still feel the same about me."

She didn't respond anymore. She just nodded, although I see the disagreement in the way she pursed her lips. Mang Elmer cleared his throat and I gave him a small apologetic smile before I opened the car door to go out. I went around and opened the door to abuela's side, helping her alight. She held my hand for support as she stepped out. I took out the flowers and we walked to my father's tombstone.

The closer we got, the more my heart pounded inside my chest. I could see the fresh flowers she brought for my father and the candle she lit for him. I looked down and saw a greeting card that read Happy Birthday. I could feel a lump slowly forming in my throat thinking she remembered.

I told her only once and she remembered.

Alexiana... what are you doing back here?

Haven't we hurt each other too much?

My hand was shaking as I put the flowers I bought next to the ones she got for him. I wanted to plop down on the grass, to stay here for hours and talk to him about the turmoil inside me as if I was a teenager who just had his first real heartbreak.

If only he was here to listen and guide me what to do. I shut my eyes tightly.

Maybe this is the punishment for all my sins – to love, but in silence.

ALEXIANA CALLISTO

Wayne's ears perked up when he heard the knocks on my door. I scratched his chin, and he tilted his head appreciatively before laying back down next to me. Based on the heavy footsteps I heard a couple of seconds ago, I already know that it's my twin brother on the other side.