I should be your Beta, not your Mate

29 - Virgin

I ruffled my hair.

»Do you know how it feels to be near him and to order myself to not touch him and not to think about him? It steals all the energy I have in my body. And I still don't know what's going on with my rank in the pack. Am I still the Beta if I'm now the Luna too? I can't be both. Furthermore how should I be a good Luna if I can't even do the easiest job and give birth to the next Alpha? I'm just fucking useless. Firstly, I'm a male Beta, I can't birth children like an Omega could do. Secondly, Cassian and I hated each other and he is or was homophobe. Thirdly, how should I let him near me if my instinct screams at me that he already had all those girls? I'm despairing, Lucien. And still with all that doubt, I feel like the happiest person on earth with this relationship. Only the knowledge that he runs somewhere on the school ground makes my heart pound and sends shivers down my spine.«

»Kyran, forgetting everything you just said, you do know that Cassian is still a virgin, right?« Lucien said and frowned.

Bewildered, I blinked and shook my head.

»When I was still here almost every girl talked about how they did it, how big he was and how good he was. Wild, almost animalistic.«

Slightly I pulled up my eyebrows and Lucien sighed stressed and drove his fingers through his hair as if he was exhausted.

»Actually, Cassian should be the one to tell you but if I can help you with your desperation a little bit, I'll do it,« he said and quickly looked left and right.

The hallway was completely empty – everyone was probably in the cafeteria or outside. My friends were probably having lunch.

»For whatever reason, Cassian wanted to distract himself a few years ago before all those rumors went around and got himself pretty drunk that evening. You know, with that powder.« Hesitatingly I nodded.

I was the best example of knowing how the wolfsbane powder affected him, even more when he was angry. Just that thought made my traitor mark burn. How I hated that feeling. It felt like the scars wanted to remind me to never forgive him.

»Anyway, we were at the bar where you and your band sometimes have a show. Somehow, he went to the dancefloor, even though he couldn't really stand on his feet anymore. Don't ask me how he did it. A girl started flirting and dancing with him. Pretty short blond hair for a girl, but that's the only thing I remember seeing before they left the bar. She already graduated, to answer that question and yes, she was a student at this school.«

He must have noticed my murderous look with the intent to rip that girl to pieces. »In any case, I got a message from Cassian the next morning. He asked if I could get him. He was lying on some bench and had a pretty bad hangover. He still remembered the evening, because he told me what happened on our way back. Cassian went with the girl and she pushed him lightly down on the bed. You need to know, I don't know if you know it, but Cassian is like a puppet if he is drunk. You can drag, push and slap him. He doesn't resist at all. She took off her shirt and her bra and wanted to kiss him, but he pushed her off him and stormed out of that room. So, nothing happened that night.«

»And what should that tell me now? Not just one girl said that she slept with Cassian. There were, are, clearly more,« I said skeptically and crossed my arms.

I hated to talk about Cassian's former bed-partners. And it didn't feel really comfortable to get to know about that from Lucien and not from Cassian himself.

»The girl from whom he ran away had a bet with the girls from her group. She should sleep with Cassian Walker and of course the girls of her group saw her and Cassian disappear together, which was enough for her to win the bet. That girl then spread rumors that she slept with him. Other girls formed their own stories that mostly came from amateur porno's. One lie started it and thousands followed. To come back to the reason why I told you this story. Cassian is still a virgin and before you, he hadn't even kissed someone.«

I couldn't breathe after hearing that.

He gave me his first kiss? Then that meant he didn't kind of betray me.

I couldn't really describe it well but if I had slept with someone before me I would have felt betrayed in a way I couldn't tell. Did every mate pair have the fear that their companion already had their first time?

»What're you talking about?«

Startled, I flinched and whirled around to meet his beautiful moss-green eyes.

»Nothing important,« Lucien said laughing to Cas and put one arm around the shoulder of my Alpha.

Jealousy creeped up which I punched back down with a growl inside. Get back in there!

I didn't need to be jealous of the Delta. Why even? He was one of Cassian's best friends.

And now when I saw the trio standing before me I needed to suppress my laughter.

They seriously looked like the trio from Harry Potter. Cassian shared similar looks with Harry, Kate with Hermione and Lucien with Ron. Of course, their personalities were different and some details from their looks didn't match at all but they really shared something with them.

However, that would mean I looked like Draco because of my blond hair, even though Caleb fit in that role with his looks too – but he fit more into the role of Luna with that trio.

Then that meant that between Cassian and I was some kind of Drarry-Ship.

Dear God. Headache, go away. Ugh, no good image in my mind. Yield, demons!

The bell pulled me out of my cringe thoughts and this one time in my whole life I was glad that it happened.

I really shouldn't compare my friends with Harry Potter characters anymore.

And Cas and I with the Drarry ship. What was even our ship name? Kyssi? Carn? Ugh, just more headaches.

»Ready?« I asked as I walked next to Cassian to the sports ground. Or how the lacrosse player called it - their property.

»Not in the slightest,« he said and laughed uncertainly at me.

»Don't chicken out. I won't accept a mate who has no hobby.« Amused and offended he looked at me and pulled a funny grimace that made me giggle.

»Then it seems like I will need to give it my best,« he said, determined. Before the field we came to halt and he stood before me with a frown.

»A swimmer probably shouldn't go onto the lacrosse field. And I need to go to the swimming hall now too. The captain needs to take his position back, if Ethan, like the coach says, really gives up his position with relief.«

Gently Cas smiled down at me and nodded. He wanted to lean down to kiss my lips but I put a hand on his chest to stop him. Puzzled, he met my brown eyes and frowned.

»Are you sure that you want to show our relationship openly at school? After all, everyone thinks you are hetero and they too think we hate each other,« I whispered and swallowed heavily because his scent took over my mind, almost making me high like a drug.

Goddammit, I wanted to kiss those lips so badly but first, I needed to wait for his answer.

»I don't give a fuck what others are thinking and saying. You are mine, doesn't matter what they say,« he growled and finally bound our lips together with greed and grabbed my hips to pull me even nearer to him.

Greedy I grasped his hair and pulled him down to me and moaned when he bit my lower lip and pulled it slightly with him.

Breathless, we stopped our kiss but still pressed our bodies near to the other. Only my hands slid down from his hair and were now lying on his solid chest.

»This kind of answer is to my liking,« I croaked hoarse – still overwhelmed from the kiss.

»Mhm,« he groaned and rubbed his nose into my hair where he took in my scent before he kissed my forehead. It left a warm and tingling feeling.

»I will get you later from the swimming hall, then we can go together to you or me.«

He kissed my lips for one last time before he let go of my hips and stepped back. With his hands he pushed his tousled hair back and then disappeared on the field.

Damn it, what was he doing to me?