Tangled ✓

His struggle

--Jaiveer–

With much difficulty, I dragged my weakened body and the shattered pieces of my heart to my home. Though I don't have any idea how I did it. As soon as I stepped towards the main gate of our house, my Papa and our guards caught me and pulled me inside. Being left with no energy I just flopped down on the living room couch. 

"Jai! Look at me."

"You need to eat something."

"Look how weak you became."

"This is not good."

I heard various voices but I have no intention to open my eyes nor my mouth. 

Within a span of a week, I lost my Robin and my Akki. My only hope and light in my life. Now for whom should I even love? Why should I even live? What wrong have I done to lose the most precious people of my life? Both of them have deliberately chosen to walk away from me ruthlessly. Without thinking that they are leaving me in the dark. 

What more is left in my life? What have I even asked for apart from the want of being with the persons I love. Is it wrong? Is it a sin? Is loving selflessly a sin?

Suddenly a warm soft hand started patting my cheeks. I slowly opened my heavy eyelids. With my blurred vision I saw a little figure standing in front of me. I blinked my eyes several times to clear my vision. Then I noticed that it's Adiraj standing in front of me. With a huge grin on his face. 

Adiraj. A carbon copy of my Robin. Flesh and blood of my Robin. The little man I need to protect. The little I need to look after. 

I immediately took Adiraj into my embrace and hugged him tight. So tight that I know I'm almost choking him. Burying my face into his little hair I breathed in his baby scent. A sense of relief washed over me but at the same time a wave of fresh tears burst out of me which I hadn't intended to stop. Holding my little pooh tight, I cried. I cried. For uncountable seconds, minutes and hours. 

Finally, when my eyes dried up with no more tears left with them, I pulled him away only to notice that he too had been crying with me. His eyes turned red. His nose turned red and also his chubby cheeks turned red.

With my rough hands, I gently wiped his tears away, "No baby. Don't cry. See, I'm not crying." 

Rocking him gently in my arms, I tried to console him.

"It's just that I missed you so much. Did you miss me?" I asked, looking down at him. 

With his tear filled eyes, he looked up at me and grinned. And then nodded enthusiastically. 

"He has been crying for you. I tried to console him by saying that you went on a business trip." I heard Maa's voice. 

I just nodded. 

"Jai!" I then felt her hands in my hair and looked up at her with my year filled eyes.

"I'm sorry." She uttered and I shook my head. I'm angry at them for hiding this from me but now, I don't want their apologies.

"You can be angry at me. But please eat something, Jai. You became so weak. You need energy at least to look after him."

She has a point. So I simply nodded.

Within seconds she brought a plate full of meals and tried to swallow down just a few bites since my stomach is still churning. Adiraj is still in my embrace and I have no intentions to release him any time soon. With all the exhaustion from crying, Adiraj slowly drifted into sleep in my embrace itself. I handed him to my parents and walked up to my room. 

Finding it empty and silent, I walked into the bathroom and stood under the shower. With the running water, I tried to run down all the emotions that kept on bubbling up within me. This week has really been a hell. Flashes of my life with Robin and Akki kept on running in front my eyes. I don't know what I should hold and what I should feel. But right now I only want to feel numb.