Secrets

15

Cecilia POv

I was still in shock. Why am shocked it's my fault. I'm to blame. I always ruin things for everyone. M the black sheep of the family. I was scared. I am scared. I'm always scared. I'm not brave I'm just a weak pathetic person. Not worthy enough to be called a human. I'm an insult to the human race. I wanted to cry. I am going to cry. I'm that pathetic. I wanted to scream. I will scream. I need to scream. Not here. Not now. It's never the right time.  In my head. Ahhhhhhhhh I hate my life! But I didn't. I can't not in front of Canon. Never in front of Canon. I just can't see his broken face. It breaks me even more.

Ever since he saw me naked and broken he cried his lungs out. I felt it sting my heart. I felt dirty. I feel ashamed. It's my felt we were raped.  Canon has always been the sensitive one. I mean imagine being emotionally and physically abused. He faced more then us. His been abused emotionally and that messed him up.

So ever since that day. Jasper and I promised that we wouldn't break down fully in front of Canon. We never did. I can't put him in that spot. I'll never forgive myself. I know what Canon and Jasper have been through. I know from the beginning to the end.

Jasper knows the whole truth. Against my will. I never wanted him to see me for the dirt I am. Canon knows a quarter of our truth. Even that is harsh for him. It pains my heart that he can't sleep. Fuck my sleep he needs it. We don't like keeping him in the dark but we have to. For his mental health. I feel like a bad person.

I saw that Roman wanted to hug me. I flinched. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't I don't want anyone touching me at this state because I feel disgusting and am going to black out ,or worse have an emotional break down. I'm sorry I'm dirty

I blinked away my tears and swallowed my silver. I brushed Canon's hair. His been there through a lot and didn't deserve it.

It's my fault. If I didn't try to kill myself that morning we wouldn't be in this position. Before a tear could roll down my cheek.

I took a deep breath. Canon looked at me with tears falling down his cheek. A lamp formed in my throat. I gave him a smile i nodded and said my all time favourite lie.

"I'm fine" I know that he didn't believe it because he hugged me tighter. He head on my chest hugging me like a Kola. I closed my eyes and took deep. I looked up to stop my tears.

I saw my brothers looking at us with sadness. After a while with everyone hugging each other excluding me we went to the bed. Canon between us. Dad hugging Jasper whose hugging Canon whose clinging onto me.

Mom on my side hugging me. Levi,Romen and Anis were on the couch. Belinda, Elodie and Calliope on our feet. Milo, Archie, Saint at the bed near the window. I'd call it a bed because it's comfy.

I love it. Canon started moving around and sweat forming on his forward which woke Jasper. I moved closer to him. "It's okay your safe" I whispered. I wish someone would do that for me.

"I'm sorry I kinda almost had a emotional break down" Jasper said. I wiped his tears. He did the same for me.

"I love you" he said. "I love you too" I extended my arm so that I was hugging them. I feel asleep like this.

I woke up and so did everyone else. We got dressed and went to the dinning table.

We were eating. "Cecilia if you don't mind can we see your twins" Roman said. I choked up on my cereal.

I couldn't get it out. I drank water and calmed down. "we understand that you don't trust us we'll wait for you to trust us " Roman said looking hurt.

I looked at the triplets and nodded yes. I took out my phone and called Noah. I Face Timed him. To my surprise Ryker answered the call.

He looked like he was in the secret main room. "Ryker what's going on?" I said in a panic. "mommy Mike is back and has daddy in the basement with big metal rope beating him" Romilly said crying.

"Baby your in the secret main room right?" I asked. "Yes "Romilly said"go to the side and lit the cloth" I said. The did as instructed. "Open the box" I said.

"One of you put your palm there " I said. They did and the bed opened.