Secrets

4

- edited

Two weeks later

It's been two weeks since we've been here. Everything was fine. I got to know my siblings. Haha that's if I count myself staring at them. Not in a creepy way. In a ‘ I want to know you more ‘ way. My guard was still up. They aren't abusive like we thought. Well it's too soon to place a judgement.

Mom and I talked about random things. Well more like sign language about random things. I'd give her short and dismissive answers if she asked about my upbringing. I never told anyone about the abuse. I don't want to get in trouble and be disowned. I just got here. I have never spoken since I got here. Not that I can. I'm mute remember?. I guess masters words stuck in my head

"Good girls are seen and not heard”

Although I said things were good there's always a but in between. Anis has been trying to get me to speak.  Since day one. Attacking me day in and day out. Honestly I felt unsafe .It was midnight and I was thirsty. I checked to see who among the two was awake .The guys were sleeping. It's good to see that they were resting. The bottle was empty and I was in pain. I sighed I really needed water.

The wound Hult gave me hasn't healed. None of them heeled. It's a lie that all wounds with time. Some leave scars. Dark nasty lifelong scars. Scars that make you hate yourself. Sometimes it would bleed through. And with the multiple hugs I get they seem to reopen the stitches. I can't keep stitching the same wound. It hurts so much. I want to try and restrict hugs.

Well Jasper,Conan and I would stitch each other. I got off the bed and walked downstairs. It's my only option if I want water. No one's going to be in the kitchen at this late hour.

I lit the kitchen light and poured water in the bottle. I couldn't be in the dark and I feared the dark. Suddenly someone grabbed my neck. My anxiety is on a different level. My eyes widened. I knew it. It wouldn't take long till they came back. I didn't say anything I promise.

My breathing heaved. I dropped the bottle. I couldn't hold anything. I was shaking. My whole body trembled. My body went into shock mode. "I'm going to make you talk and show everyone that you are nothing but a gold digging whore. " The voice said. It wasn't the master's voice.

It creeped me even more. It was My own brother. My own flesh was killing me.My heart was pounding in my ears. I couldn't breathe. No one can breathe in this state. I needed air. I needed something in my lungs. Some oxygen to pass by.

I needed my inhaler or pump, whatever you call it. Yeah you heard me right. His smirk grew and it scared me even more. Everytime someone's smirk grew they did something bad. It results in me barely living. It's not like I've been living. I've been surviving all my life.

He placed my face in the running water and held my hands. Firstly, that's so…scary? Am I dying?Strangling to breathe. I saw black dots form . Suddenly someone separated us.  I will forever be grateful to that person.n

I fall into someone's arms. At this point I couldn’t care about whose lap I'm on. I couldn't breathe, I was panicking. I was having a panic attack. Do you know how painful it is not to be able to breathe? I bet you don't. My lungs dry

Tears after tears. I was in dad's arms. I raised my hand. Shaking, I managed to sign out. "Pump" I signed with the little energy I had. My energy was so low that it was hard to keep my eyes open.

"Pump" mom, Jasper and Conan said in unison. Conan ran upstairs. I was crying trying to breathe. Each passing second it became harder. I really tried to open my eyes.

I felt my eyes close. "Cecilia don't close your eyes dear" I felt someone say.  I tried. I really did.

It felt far behind. Everyone and everything felt distant. I tried my level best. Their voices were far away.

Come on, you're my brave girl," he said. "Come on feel my heartbeat" he said as he placed my hand on his chest.

"You can do it, I know you can," he said. I couldn't see him because of the wall separating us. I felt normal.

"See my brave girl I love you" he said and I just smiled. I loved him too. "I love you too" are the first words I've said to him ever since we've been stuck here.

"I wish I could take your pain away." He said.

I remembered him. I wonder how they were. He promised to keep them safe. I hope he doesn't break it.

The black dots because more and more. Conan came rushing to me. He gave Jasper my inhaler.

Jasper helped me pump some air into my lungs. As my breathing normalised I turned my head to dad's waist and silently sobbed.

You can't blame me. After about 10 years of abuse I know how to be quiet.