Adulting Requires Cheesecake (Book 4, Lonstino & Greenwood Series)

Chapter 30 - Sandwich

OLIVER

Rather than spend Christmas in Lonstino, I stayed in Greenwood to be closer to Madeline, work on my resume and apply to vacancies. Anyway, my family has seen me plenty in the last months and since they were going to Aunt Ximena and Uncle Lewis, they were surrounded by enough people. I also needed a chance to reflect on everything happening lately together with my therapist and my career coach. I've learned that I've imposed rules to myself about avoiding people so they don't make me feel that I'm different, something I'm very aware of. I've never given fair chance to others to get to know me and assume the worst will happen if they do. He made me see that I'm capable of bonding in a professional environment, like I did with Gianna, who knows I'm autistic and took it as a part of me and not the whole.  

In these weeks, I've also been in communication with Madeline. During our talk at Moonlight House, we came to the conclusion that we jumped into a relationship quickly and never gave ourselves the time to properly learn about each other. So we took a step back, and because we care about each other, decided to be friends. I was so nervous on that day, and grateful that the person who was standing at the entrance was Jordan's dad, who gave me a reassuring smile and told me where I could find him if I needed him. I found Madeline sitting in the lounge and had to remind myself to breathe. I'd been given a chance and couldn't mess it.

"Did Tristan arrive well in Lonstino?" She asked as I took a seat opposite her.

"He-" My words got interrupted by a cough from my dry throat. "He did. Thanks for asking. How are you doing?"

Madeline watched me for a moment in silence and I wondered what I did wrong.

"This is the first time you have asked me that in a long time."

She was right and I felt terrible. "I'm very sorry for that. I've been a dick to you and my actions don't have justification. You don't deserve to be treated like that."

Madeline moved to the couch where I sat and patted my knee. Nothing was said for a while.

"We are having a baby." I interrupted the silence.

"How do you feel about that?" She eyed me and then turned her gaze towards the bar area.

"Beyond surprised. I never thought I would become a father."

"I knew I wanted to have children one day. Not so soon."

"Is that so? The conversations we had where you even had picked names made me believe you wanted them right away."

"I'm sorry for not explaining myself clearly. Oliver, sometimes people say things because they are daydreaming about the future. It keeps people hopeful. It keeps me hopeful, gives me goals. I've always wanted to have a family, and I studied hard and I'm working hard to be able to make that come true."

The server interrupted us to take our order, and it gave me some time to think about Jordan's advice.

"Madeline... The truth is that I'm scared," I said the moment we were alone again. "About everything. And I feel lost, like I belong nowhere. We are having a baby and I don't know if I'm capable of providing a child with what they need. I don't know what to do next after losing my job because besides teaching, there aren't many opportunities for a person with a history degree. I don't know where I stand with you and if you see a future with me."

"I wish you had told me these things before. In a relationship, sharing how you feel helps to lighten the load in your thoughts."

I didn't point out that she didn't tell me she was expecting, and I didn't find it worth having a fight about that. "I guess pride and not understanding things completely didn't allow me," I said instead.