Tell Me Where Have You Been? (Sequel to Father Father)

Chapter 22: I Don't Think I Want To Be Saved

Carissa POV~

I wiped my tears as we drove away from the graveyard. Vic was emotionless. He was driving us back to his place. My baby boy, Holden Garret, died. I didn't know what to think. He was dead. Dead. The doctors don't know why he died. He just...did. Vic pulled into his driveway. We both got out of the car. I can't believe what has took place. Not a lot of people understand how hard it is to lose a child. Especially since every time you go to your room you pass their nursery. I would do anything to see my child again. Anything. Sometimes I pretend that he isn't even gone. That he is just sleeping in his crib. I want to die. I want to see him.

I called my father once we got home.

"Carissa?"

"Dad?"

"How are you baby?"

"Not so good. Why didn't you come to the funeral?"

"Oh well..."

"Forget it dad."

"I'm sorry honey."

"Whatever."

"Do you want me to come down?"

"No. Bye."

I hung up the phone. I can't believe him. I fell to my knees. I buried my head in my hands. Things won't get better. Not this time. I looked under my bed. I kept a razor there just in case the unbearable happened. I found it in its usual spot. I sliced my wrist. I did it one more time. That's when Vic came into my room. He always came at the wrong times. He didn't say anything. He simply sat next to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. He understood why I did this. He took the razor and threw it across the room. I felt tears roll down my cheeks. I looked at him. His eyes were puffy and red. He had been crying too. "What are we going to do Vic?" I sighed. "We could do this." I looked at him. He pressed his lips onto mine. I was shocked at first, but then I kiss backed. Our lips moved in sync. He pushed me down onto my back. We stripped each other of clothing. I think you know what happened next.

Jack came over a few days later to cheer me up. Too bad I'm just going to bring him down. "Hey honey." He kissed my forehead and got into my bed next to me. "I cheated on you." I said quickly. "What?" He sounded hurt and sad. "Don't make me repeat it please." I begged. "Does this mean we are over?" He asked me. "Well....I guess." I felt ashamed. He stood up. "I still love you." He said before leaving my room and life forever.

I snuggled against Vic watching The Great Mouse Detective. These days have been horrible. I don't think we will ever be saved. We will be in this hole of a life forever. This tragedy ruined my life. My precious baby. Vic must have been reading my thoughts. He kissed my forehead. "We will make it out." He whispered, but it sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than me.

"You should eat." Vic told me. "Only if you get me pizza." I told him. I was laying on the couch. I held my ultrasound in my hands. I have been looking at it for the past hour. I heard Vic on the phone with the pizza guy. I guess he actually is going to get me pizza. I tried to smile at the thought he cares for me, but my lips only turned into a frown.

I ate my pizza in silence as I scrolled through Instagram. We told the fans about Holden yesterday by posting a picture of his gravestone. We didn't put a caption. We didn't do anything. We just posted a picture. Most fans were going crazy. They were upset. It was almost like Mitch Lucker died again, but not that serious. I stood up off the couch. "I'm going out." I told Vic. He simply nodded.

I sat down at the grave. I poured my heart out to it. "I love you." I said once I finished. I realized something then. He will always be with me, no matter what.

A/N: this is the last chapter besides a epilogue and sorry it was short. I don't have emotions so I didn't cry writing this.