One Last Smile

Entry #1

Entry #1

October 4, 2022

Dear Diary,

Gusto ko nalang maging hotdog sa freezer.

I woke up in the middle of the morning, knowing that I had four classes to attend today. I was contemplating whether to show up on the last two subjects left, or pretend that I was sick and I had forgotten to notify my adviser. Realizing that if I go, I'd also be stuck in traffic, and I would be attending the last 30 minutes of my last subject. In defeat—though victorious deep inside—I drifted back to sleep.

My mom then knocked on my door to tell me that I was being naughty and that if I won't go to school, the least thing I could do to help her was to wash the dishes and do my own laundry. I was once again defeated. I did the laundry without eating breakfast. So, by the time I finished, I was already trembling from hunger.

You see, my mom is working two jobs for the past year. She's a registered nurse, and for all we know, the wage for nurses is insufficient. She took a job at a fast food chain, and she's been living her life tiresomely. And dad...he's out of the picture now.

Two years ago, my mother helped give birth to a young woman in her 20s, and when she saw the certificate of live birth, she caught dad's name written on it. I think it ruined her, unknown to her why he fooled her and how she lacked anything for him to conclude that lewd act. I saw my mother at her lowest, it was cruel to witness it in like manner. Since then, I've grown to hate men like him.

Enough with the past. Ang baduy naman. For the remaining afternoon, I spent my time doing the homework my friends sent me and studied in advance for the quizzes that'll take place tomorrow. I had some time to cook dinner and baked some cupcakes for mom to bring to the hospital as her energizers. Then, I prayed that she will indeed be energized.

I was reading one of Janette Oke's books called Love Comes Softly when I noticed the odd time. My mom's supposed to message me to tell me that I'm good to go, yet I didn't receive a single text. So, I messaged my older brother so I could leave when he arrives, but he did not. My mom's co-worker then messaged me. She brought me bad news. My mother was crying because apparently, my father and his other woman was there to hospitalized their two year old daughter. As unfortunate as it sounded, my mother was the attending nurse. Because I couldn't let her cry alone, I ended up locking the house and took a taxi.

"Sandali!" Napasigaw ako. There were two taxis a couple of meters away from me. "Sorry, kuya! Nagmamadali ako!" I couldn't look at the guy's face since it was already dark, and I was not really looking around. All I knew was that he was with other people and they didn't like what I did. I apologized in my head and prayed that they'd forgive me.

My mother's heart was already frail. I don't fully believe that some people die from heartaches but I could not risk my mother's situation. I wouldn't want to turn a blind eye to her just because her worst case scenario is against my scientific beliefs. It's better to be safe diba?

"Hello? Why did you lock the house? You know naman I don't have a spare key..." My kuya was complaining through the phone. I couldn't answer him until I was facing the reception desk to place my mother's food. When they were already done checking, tsaka lang ako nakasagot. "Dad is in the hospital kuya, and mom's crying." I could hear the faint curses he let out and the stomping of his foot. I could picture him clenching his right hand. If I was angry and bashful with cheater married men, kuya's feelings were worse than mine. He hated the thought of idolizing our father, and literally making dad as his role model. He loathes him. We've been called ungrateful children by our paternal relatives, but doesn't my father deserves to be hated by his children?

"Wait for me. Wag mong iwan si mama, at wag kang makipag-usap sa kaniya."

I was waiting for my brother at the waiting area, talking to some patients who were newly discharged. It was my dream to be a physician. Someday, I'd get to diagnose sickly people and give my best. When it was about quarter to ten, my kuya was already waiting at the nurse's station. I was going to step inside when we heard mom and dad.

"Please, Darla. Respect her. Don't tell me you're not going to tend to my daughter just because of what I did? Wala ka bang awa?" Nanlaki ang mga mata ko, and I could see kuya clenching his hands. "Ako? Walang awa? You betrayed me for years. You did not only cheat on me, but also to our kids, making them think that their father is amazing. You ruined their lives! Sino ngayon ang walang awa? Ha?"

"Still, dapat maging professional ka ngayon. What you did there was unprofessional. Slapping my wife—" My mother gasped when she saw kuya stepping inside the room. I followed him timidly, holding his hand. "Kuya, huwag ha..."

"Dezryl made you sweets ma. I brought you some din. Tabi," binangga niya si dad para i-abot kay mom ang mga pagkain.

"Hi, nak. Hi, sweetheart," dad softly called us. I couldn't look at him. I was afraid that my tears and my life would fall apart again. Bago palang ako naging buo ulit.

"Pwede bang umalis ka na? Be with your sickly daughter born in wedlock. Alis. Only the immediate family can stay here. The last time I checked, we were not your family anymore." Marami pang masasakit na salitang binitawan si kuya. I would say that he was harsh in doing so, and even though my heart hurts for my father, our primary feelings couldn't be blamed.

We were not to be blamed diba?