If Someday Never Comes

Chapter 37

Brooks's POV

All I wanted was to sit here at the bar and have a drink in peace. 

But peace wasn't something I found too easily over the last five years even though I've noticed that I've felt it in moments lately. As I've worked on the plans for the coffee shop, filling that damn notebook with every idea I hear coming out of Sydney's mouth. Pouring over it night after night as I filed for permits and licenses we needed, as well as jumping every time my email dings thinking it might be here sending me a final decision on the paint, the floor, or whatever else is left to decide. It's pathetic and it fills me with a deep sense of fear and longing. 

  The memories of the last few months fired through my mind endlessly. I knew it was a terrible idea to not sell the property outright but leasing it to her seemed like a better idea at the time. I thought I would keep my distance, I thought I would delegate from afar. Now, I'm buying baked goods and helping sort through paint samples. It's insane. 

I couldn't get a grip on my emotions and for whatever reason a part of me didn't want to. "What the fuck has gotten into you man," I whispered to myself.

I rested my elbow on the ledge of the bar and pinched my nose to stop the pounding that had been persistently there for the last few days, truthfully it had been there for the last handful of years. The stress of the company, helping my mom, and trying to stay on the path I decided on for myself the minute I stepped into this life, the one my dad wanted for me. I've gotten used to the tension in my body, the numbness in my heart. That was the way I preferred it. It's what kept me going. 

 Until Sydney came back and I decided to help her start her own business, now everything is a mess. My jaw clenched and I chugged down the rest of my whiskey before asking for another. 

I inhaled the smooth liquid that slid down my throat and caught myself remembering the way her laugh bounced off the walls of her office earlier this week.

Every time I'm in her presence there's a buzzing under my skin and at this point, it won't relent, so tonight I decided sitting here at The Tavern drowning my sorrows was the best option I had. By my third glass of whiskey, I realized how stupid that was because, in a small town with only one bar, there was no place to drink in peace. 

Courtney had just texted me to let me know that her flight had landed. She would be gone all weekend for her girl's trip and honestly, I was grateful for the space. I hadn't seen her since our fight and it made me a little sad to realize I didn't think I missed her all that much. 

I felt my head beginning to spiral and I didn't know if it was from all the emotions floating through my body or the booze. So I sat there stewing, caught in between allowing myself to think about it all and wanting to shove it all away to never be felt again. 

It's the reason I hadn't let myself think of Sydney over the years, I forced her memory away and tried to pretend that she no longer existed. I couldn't remember the way she smelled, the sound of her laugh, or the feeling of her touch because if I did I would have been catching the next plane to North Carolina and I knew I couldn't. I owed it to my Dad to continue his legacy. 

The guilt didn't eat at me as much as it once did because I had perfected the art of suppressing it and I felt like the success of the company was my penance for the way things ended between us. 

I nursed this glass of whiskey slower than the first two until I felt goosebumps begin to rise along my skin. Like a sixth sense, I wasn't aware I had until now. 

 You've got to be fucking kidding me. 

I didn't have to turn around to know who had walked through the door and before I could stop myself I peeked over my shoulder as I saw her walk in with her dad.