If Someday Never Comes

Chapter 4

Sydney's POV 

It's a Tuesday night and the August air is stiff with heat. I have the windows of our apartment open and the music blaring loudly through my Bose speaker. I'm wearing a sports bra and shorts as I cook up Tacos on the stove and dance around the kitchen when I hear Quinn come through the door. 

"Mrs. Anderson told me to tell you to turn that shit down or turn on something actually good!" Quinn yells over Beyonce. 

I roll my eyes, "You tell her to take out her hearing aids and it won't be a problem." I laugh and switch the playlist over to 70's Gold. The neighbor and I share a very bitchy love, it makes Quinn insanely uncomfortable but she has learned to deal with our shit talk and relay the messages as they are said. Mrs. Anderson is another person here who has become like family to us, she is a widow and around the age of our grandmothers but way more fun. We usually just banter back and forth in the hallway but she will leave baked goods on the doormat out front for us every once in a while and we will invite her over for tacos and margaritas every Tuesday. She only comes about once a month but when she does she always has endless stories of the "good ole days" and the years she spent with her husband. They had a love story for the books. 

They met in high school, he enlisted, and left but wrote her as much as he could, beautiful love letters and poems. When he returned they married but could never have children so they spent their years traveling, exploring, and laughing together. It sounds magical but my favorite parts of the stories are when they would fight because the making-up part was always "spicy" as she called it. 

"Are we doing beef or chicken tonight?" Quinn asks as she turns down the music. 

I pout before answering, "Neither! Shrimp!" 

"Yum." is all she says before I'm slapping her hand away from the food she's trying to taste from the skillet. 

Brooks's POV

I climbed the stairs to my apartment two at a time, I was so ready to take a hot shower, crack a beer, and then crawl into bed. After working a full 8 hours on the job site helping the guys catch up on some renovations that needed to be finished I had to spend another 3 hours working on quotes for some side jobs I was asked to look at in town.

 Even when we don't purchase and renovate properties I try to help out as many of the business owners as I can update their buildings. It never ends, the list of things to do and the people who want my help. I try to make it all work but sometimes I am so fucking tired I want to walk away from all of it. But at this point, I wouldn't know what I would do with my life if it weren't overflowing with helping everyone else and growing this business. The thought of being free of it feels like rolling nausea in my stomach but a crackle of the weight on my shoulders. 

The minute I step into my apartment my pocket vibrates and I pull out my phone knowing the only person it could be. "Yeah, what's up?" 

"Hey baby," her sultry voice rings in my ear. "I thought you were going to call when you got home?" 

"Well, I just walked through the door." I stomped to the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror and saw the lines crease on my forehead, I tried to relax my face but against my will my jaw clenched. 

"Jesus Brooks," her annoyance was clear and mine was already on the verge of boiling. 

"Someone has to if you want to keep driving that Mercedes and enjoying long spa days, dear." 

My message coming through I hear her flippantly laugh, "I'm just saying baby, you need to relax. Want me to come over and help you?" 

A flash of dark hair and blue eyes crosses my vision and I squeeze my eyes shut. Ever since the dream I had the other night, every time my dick tries to get hard her face appears, even if it's only for a second. My heart pumps quickly in my chest, forcing myself out of the memories is becoming my new form of cardio. I can only hope burying myself in my girlfriend drowns the rest of it. My voice feels forced as I push out the words, "You know, that sounds like just what I need. I'm gonna take a shower, be here when I get out?" 

"On my way." Her voice slides through the phone and barely touches any part of my body or my heart. 

I began to bury those feelings deep within my chest so they couldn't escape but as I tried everything that normally worked to ignore them for some reason this time they left an ache in their absence. I shook my head under the spraying water as I cranked it to a scalding hot temperature. I took a few deep breaths and tried to push the thoughts further and further away but more continued to flood behind my eyelids faster than I could stop them. 

It nearly choked me to imagine Sydney in her new life, happy, smiling with someone else by her side. A growl escaped my throat as I clenched my teeth at the thoughts and at the fact that I was allowing myself to think them. The pain seeped into the pit of my stomach like acid and I swallowed down the distaste when I heard the door open and shut. The images of her dissolved but the churning in my stomach remained. I closed my eyes to replace images of dark hair with blonde and blue eyes with brown, it only slightly brought back my focus and as I left the shower wrapped in a towel, the girl I had been committed to on and off for a year now was laying undressed across my bed. Without speaking, because speaking isn't something we do often or well, I stripped the towel away, grabbed a condom from the nightstand, and buried myself into her as she called my name, and I nuzzled my face into her neck. I breathed her in, the Chanel No. 9 replacing the ghost scent of roses and coffee that had been haunting my memory. I placed my hands on her milky skin and pushed away the thought of the tan olive-toned body I had once touched and kissed her thin lips as I forced away the thought of the thick full ones I had loved so much. 

The minute we both reached our climax and I rolled to the side of her guilt washed over me, I didn't want to use this relationship to forget about Sydney, I wanted this relationship because it was easy and fit the life I chose to live. She curled into my chest and I wrapped my arm around her tiny waist, as she whispered, "Hey baby," her slender fingers moving up and down my chest, "I was thinking, I really could use a vacation, there's this beautiful resort in southern California that looks so relaxing and peaceful, and you work so much we could go together and both get some relaxation time, but..." she hesitates," I know how hard it is for your to get away so if you can't, maybe the girls could go with me instead." 

It's with that, the guilt begins to disappear, she doesn't care if my mind was wandering to the past while I fucked her into the mattress, all she cares about is that she still has access to my credit card. "Yeah, sure, put it on my Platinum card. You're right, you deserve a break." And I deserve one too, from this, I think in my head as she squeals. "Brooksie you are the best!" she kisses my lips quickly then rolls over and curls up under the blanket, "Night baby." 

I don't even tell her goodnight, because I don't need to, this is what we do. I get what I need, she gets what she needs and we don't push this further than it needs to go. As long as our relationship wades on the surface we are both happy and I remind myself these memories of my past are only resurfacing because of the wedding and the fact that I will see Sydney again because those feelings are gone and what she and I had will someday be nothing but faded thoughts in my mind.