One More Thing

Chapter Twenty Seven: Confession

"Valerie!"

I keep on walking.

"Val!"

I keep my eyes glued to the ground. I can't turn around or he will see that I have been crying.

"Wait!"

Something inside me makes me stop in my tracks. I turn my head to see Jude running towards me, his hair falling over his eyes. He grabs me gently by the arm and stops to catch his breath.

"What's wrong?" he asks, sweeping his hair away from his face. "I thought we were supposed to be meeting here."

His brown eyes are wide and earnest, glowing orange in the low sun.

"Sorry," I say, my voice shaking.

"What? Why are you crying?" he asks, reaching out a hand to wipe away my tears.

"It doesn't matter," I say. "I was being stupid."

"Stupid? What are you on about?"

"I..." I bite my lip. 

I have to tell him. Even if it costs me every last bit of my dignity, I need to give him some kind of explanation. It wouldn't be fair to leave him thinking that he's done something wrong.

"Where's your girlfriend?" I ask.

Jude frowns, his lips parting in confusion. "What do you mean? You know I broke up with Sydney last week."

"Not Sydney."

"Huh?"

"I said I didn't mean Sydney."

"Then who?"

I open my mouth to speak but before I can get a word out, realization explodes across Jude's face.

"Oh shit," he says.

"It's fine," I say, my voice still wobbly. "You look very cute together, and I hope she makes you happy."

"She's not-"

"It's fine, really," I say. "I should have known it was all in my head from the start. The whole you and me thing, it was never going to happen because... well, you're you and I'm me. It was never going to be anything except a stupid fantasy in my head and I'm really sorry if I-"

"Valerie, she's my cousin!"

Oh.

My.

God.

His cousin.

His cousin.

I don't know whether to be thrilled or mortified.

"What?"

"That was my cousin, Ella."

"Oh..."

"Shes been going through a rough time recently so I offered to meet her for a walk before we met up. But anyway, what did you just say?"

"Say about what?" I ask quickly. Too quickly.

"About you and me. You said it was nothing but a fantasy in your head. Does that mean-"

"Oh god," I say, covering my face. "I didn't mean to say that. It just came out, because I thought you were already with someone and I thought I had nothing to lose. Please just forget I ever said anything."

Jude pauses, his eyes wide with shock.

"Right. Well, we need to have a proper talk about this," he says, running his hand down his face. "But first, I'm going to grab something from the cafe really quickly. I'm so thirsty I think I'm going to pass out."

I nod, staring at the ground.

"Do you want anything?" he asks, turning on his heel.

Oh god, I think. This is just a polite excuse to get the fuck out of here. I've really put my foot in it now.

"I'm fine, thanks, I say. "I'll just wait here until you get back."

He nods, giving me a small smile over his shoulder.

I sit down on a tree trunk, wishing that it would somehow morph into a carnivorous plant and eat me so that I never ever have to show my face to Jude again. How mortifying. Not only did I mistake his cousin for his girlfriend, but I confessed everything.

Everything.

I try to steady myself as I wait for him. The worst thing about where I am sitting is that I can't see the cafe properly. So I can't see Jude, and I wouldn't know if he decides to leg it as soon as he is out of those doors.

That is, if he even went to the cafe in the first place.

Before my thoughts can spiral any further, I spot him walking in my direction.

He is holding a paper bag, sauntering towards me across the muddy ground in his somehow-still-sparkly-white trainers.

When he sees he, I can't help but smile. 

Jude smiles back, warmth spreading across his face.

"I got you this," he says, taking a can of Fanta out of the bag and handing it to me. Our hands touch momentarily, and I feel something warm in my stomach. 

I try to ignore it.

"And this," he pulls out a chocolate bar.

I take it, surprise flooding over me.

"That's really kind," I say. "Thank you. You really didn't have to."

He looks at me, the corners of his mouth upturned. We stand for a while, just locking eyes. My lungs are empty and my legs wobbly. I feel dizzy, but not in a bad way.

"Oh, and one more thing," Jude says quietly, shoving the paper bag into his coat pocket. 

He takes me by the wrists so that there are just inches between us. Then, he puts his hands on my waist and pulls me closer. I can feel his breath on my face, warm and sweet.

I close my eyes and melt into the kiss.