One More Thing

Chapter Twenty Four: The What Ifs

Over the next few days, Jude is constantly on my mind. On the way out of the school gates, I find myself scanning the streets in case he is somehow walking past.

I don't know why I'm bothering. He doesn't go to my school, and he has no reason to come here now that he and Sydney have broken up.

But still, I search.

"Are you alright?" asks Mae.

"Uh... not really," I say, grabbing my satchel and swinging it out the way before I trip up the crowd of year sevens that are barging past us.

"It's about Jude, isn't it?" whispers Mae. She is looking at me intently, her dark eyes filled with questions.

"Yeah," I sigh. 

"You have his Instagram, don't you? It's been a few days now. Why don't you just, I don't know, ping him an apology?"

"I wish I could."

"You can. The worst he can say is no, right?"

"I don't know..." I say, hopping over a fallen branch on the side of the pavement. "Let's cross the road."

"You need to confront this head on, Val," says Mae as we stand on the grassy verge, waiting for a gap in the roaring traffic. "You can't keep avoiding your feelings all the time. I'm sure you know it's not healthy."

"I know," I say. "I'm just scared of what he's going to say. Or not say. What if he tells me he never wants to speak to me again? I don't think I could deal with that."

"Well, it's your choice," she says, in the tone of voice that usually accompanies crossed arms and raised eyebrows. "But if you don't at least try, you're always going to be left with that burning question. And I'm sure you'll agree that it's always those 'what-ifs' that hurt the most."

"You're right," I say, because yet again, she is.

When I get home, Cathy and Dad are standing outside on the drive. The front door is wide open, and Cathy has a hand on her suitcase.

"What's going on?" I ask.

"Cathy and Sydney are going to stay at a friend's for a week or so," says Dad. His face is tired, and there is an ashen tone to his skin that worries me a little.

"We thought it would be for the best," says Cathy, rubbing her forehead. I notice that her mascara is ever so slightly smudged around her eyes. "Sydney is in a really bad place right now, as you know. She needs a break from everything."

I have to hold back a huge sigh of relief. For the first time in a long time, I can't believe my luck.

"I get that," I say, as I head inside. "Take it easy."

Dad comes in a few minutes later and shuts the door. I can hear a car engine start up, and by the time I reach the living room window, the big silver Skoda has vanished from the drive.

"Did you and Cathy fight?" I ask Dad.

"No!" he says too quickly. "Not really. We're just... trying to figure out what to do. There's a lot to think about right now."

I nod, wondering exactly what he means.

I wave at Lucas, who is sitting on the sofa with a mug of hot chocolate. He scoots over and I sit down next to him. I yawn and stretch out my arms, feeling utterly exhausted.

That's when I catch a glimpse of something in the corner of my eye. It's only for a few seconds, but there's no doubting what I've just seen.

"Lucas! Are you talking to a girl?" I ask, nodding towards his phone. On his screen, I can just make out the avatar of a red-haired girl at the top of a Snapchat conversation.

"None of your business," he grumbles. 

I laugh, yet again perfecting the role of Embarrassing Big Sister.

Lucas sighs and scoots even further away from me. He's pretending to be pissed off, but I can tell that he's not really, because a small smile breaks out across his face as he types something to this mystery girl.

Seeing him happy numbs my pain for a moment and makes me happy too. 

I take a deep breath and pull out my phone.

I've been avoiding doing this, but Mae's words keep replaying in my head. It's always those 'what-ifs' that hurt the most. 

Well, it's now or never.

I'm so sorry, I type. Can we talk?

Then, despite the rising nauseous feeling in my stomach and the racing of my heart, I tap 'send' before I can convince myself out of it.