Charred Promises

18: Cant Let go..

"Caitlynn" Noah called again, he thought she didn't hear him the first time but actually she was scared of what was about to happen between them. He came around and stood in front of her.

"All I want to tell you it time to live for yourself, you have been too worried to fix everything around you that you forgot to take care of yourself, what happened between the both of you was unfortunate but that doesn't define you, you shouldn't restrict yourself from giving yourself some me time. "

"I can't handle me time Noah, that scares me, the things that go through my mind when I'm alone, I keep playing that fateful day over and over again, trying to answer all the what ifs, what if I had not reacted that way? What if I had not been adamant about taking that trip? What if I would have just kept my mouth shut and acted dumb like I had did all those years! Whenever I sit down to write something the same scene keeps playing Infront of my eyes, Noah, everyone thinks I'm okay and I have moved on in my life but the truth remains that I'm still there in that car trying to take control of the car Gregory jumped out off!! So No Noah I don't want any me time.."

Noah turned her around and they were facing each other without a second thought he crashed his lips on hers. It would be a lie if she say she hadn't anticipated it but what she didn't know that she would relish the kiss and respond. It was not just Noah kissing her, she was losing herself in it, she was pulling him closer and pushing him at the same time, everything about the kiss was confusing to Noah but she wasn't doing anything to show her resentment in the kiss. . She was responding and with double passion. She had not kissed anyone like she was kissing him and he had not felt this passionate about a kiss like the one he was sharing at that moment.

Suddenly like indication the little kitten came from nowhere and meowed and that broke them apart. They both looked at each other breathlessly. When Noah took a step towards her she took a step back. Noah tried to hold her but she looked dismayed, she held herself and ran towards her room, Noah wanted to go behind her but this wasn't the time or situation to pursue her. He looked at the kitten which was now on his feet, he held the little kitten and it cuddled in his hands.

"That was a crappy thing to do but because you mean a lot to Matt I cant even throw you out!" Noah took the kitten and filled his food and water bowl and it happily ate. He went back to his couch and fell on it. He wanted to go check on Caitlynn but then he wasn't sure what he would do if she was a crying mess. He felt the time was right and there definitely was a moment between the two, he recalled the kiss and it surely wasn't one sided. He wouldn't have did what he did.

Just like Noah sleep were far from Caitlynn. Twisting and turning in her bed, she felt bad that he had left Noah confused, she herself was confused as to what had just happened between them. How she responded the kiss and it felt like she almost anticipated the kiss. She wasn't sure why she stopped but she knew that she must have offended Noah. She took her phone to sent him a message.

"Slept?"

"No, you?"

"Not yet. About what happened.. I'm sorry Noah."

"I'm not.. Of course I'm sorry it happened at a wrong place."

"Noah, I don't want us to be awkward tomorrow when we see each other, will it be weird?"

"I'm sure it wont be awkward but we do need to talk, may be not now, may be not tomorrow but we will talk. I'm not letting you off the hook, now I know what we could have, I'm not letting this go so easily.. Good Night Clark." Noah wrote back. Caitlynn stared at the words he wrote, she too wanted to talk about it but she was scared, now that kids are involved, they cant just be fooling around like teenagers.

"Good Night Noah." she wrote back. Noah smiled as he saw the message. Clearly she wasn't at peace just like him and that made him hopeful of what tomorrow was going to bring. He kept the phone aside and waited for the sleep to join him.

The next morning was not awkward at all, at least for Noah it wasn't. He was now more aware of her than she had ever been, in a room filled with kids and a kitten he couldn't take his eyes of her. She on the other hand had become so conscious of her surroundings. Even though she would never admit the little extra time she took to get ready this morning before stepping out of her room. The confusion on what to wear, the anticipation of facing him after the shenanigan she had pulled the previous night. She had expected Noah to be pissed but she was greeted with a smile. The car ride back home was even more torturous, as Noah had pulled her hand and kept it on the gear and he was shifting gear holding her hand. She had never did this before and she was scared that the kids were going to see this little PDA but Noah was careful enough to let the kid see them.

"Do you do this with every other girl?" she whispered.

"After what we shared last night, what do you think?" Noah spoke softly, she looked away tried to hide the smile that crept in, he gently squeezed her fingers and said "You are not every other girl!"

"Mr. Summers, are you flirting?" Caitlynn asked narrowing her eyes.

"Are you that unaware?" saying so Noah squeezed her hand a little tighter. The rest of the journey was spend silently yet they were very much aware of each other. Noah couldn't wait to get home and get her alone but Caitlynn on the other hand didn't want the trip to end and she was not really looking forward for the confrontation. When they reach home and back to their responsibilities and back to the same life where she was still recovering from her haunting past. She had not moved on from her past and she wasn't sure if she was ready to move on but she couldn't get over the fact that she had kissed him back with equal passion and equal thirst. She was ready to devour him if the cat had not interrupted. The guilt was killing Caitlynn, was she really over her childhood sweetheart Gregory, what she was doing with Noah would that be termed as cheating? Caitlynn was loosing her mind, she wanted to be distracted, she wanted Noah to make her forget.

"I need to pee!" Caitlynn announced.

"I'll stop at the next restroom." Noah said, he noticed something was wrong, Caitlynn was squeezing Noah's hand and he knew that she was brewing something in her mind. He stopped the car and she unbuckled her seatbelt and ran to the restroom. She closed the door and cried, she held her mouth so that no sound came out but the door flew open and Noah was standing holding the door. He swiftly got in and hugged Caitlynn. She hugged him back and cried even more. He shut the toilet seat and sat on it and made Caitlynn sit on him. They stayed in the same position till she relaxed.

"Clark, I promise it will get better, this pain, this doubt, this confusion. . All of it will ease away and you will only have fond memories of your life. Its up to you Clark, you get to chose what memories we want to keep and what we want to let go. Don't spoil your today by thinking about the things you could have changed in the past, it's the past, Clark and no one can change a single thing they did in the past. Its time to let go Clark.."

Caitlynn pulled back from the hug and looked at Noah straight in the eyes, he felt like she was about to say something, she didn't utter a word from her mouth but her eyes spoke volume. Noah pulled her for another hug, he could feel from her heartbeat that she had relaxed. She got up and helped him to get up, they were face to face in that small cubical.

"The kids are waiting for us in the truck." Noah said looking all red. Caitlynn smiled and opened the cubical and went to wash her face. Noah got out of the washroom and sat in the truck and waited for her. She came after a while, face washed, make up fixed, hair neatly tied, cloths neatly tucked. Noah was in awe, he didn't know how she managed to maintain this façade of perfection. People are so much more strong than they think they are, sometimes they just need to take a break, there is hope till everything is completely burned out.

She sat in the truck and smiled at Noah, turned to look at the kids, Matt and Ian were sleeping Juno and Violet were reading and discussing something. Caitlynn kept her hand on the gear, Noah smiled and held her hand and shifted the gear and drove. He didn't let go till they reached home. Caitlynn was genuinely surprised how glad she was of this little action.  

Thank You For Reading..