Charred Promises

12- String of Words..

When Noah noticed Matt being silent he felt his heart ache, it was like looking at his own childhood, even though Noah didn't know what the situation was but being without a parent or being ignored by a parent is never easy for a kid.

"Was Matt really close to his dad?" Noah asked as they sat sipping coffee later that afternoon.

"Yes, Matt adored his father and looked up to him. Matt wasn't like this at all. Actually all three of them were very close to their father.." She sighed as she remembered that day just like it was yesterday. Nightmares still haunted her but her tears were dried, never was she going to cry for him, not after what he did to them. Noah looked at her deep in thoughts but he knew better not to interrupt.

" Ian is too small to understand but Violet and Matt took it pretty hard. It was six month ago and Matt had not spoken a word after that accident, he hit his head and the doctor said the commotion might have caused him to lose his voice, the doctor said it could take a while for him to find his voice. It might take forever or it could take him a week, we went for therapy for a month and i was depressed, the kids were different, Ian was losing his temper the moment we got in a car. So i thought we all needed a change, the house was haunting us, the situation was getting the better of us, acknowledging our problems was upsetting us. So we did what we knew the best."

"And that would be?" he asked and she smiled.

"Pack up and ran someone where no one knew us.. Believe it or not we randomly picked up this town and got started from there." Caitlynn looked at Noah, he urged her to continue.

"This was the most devil-may-care thing I did in my entire life.. I always planned everything in advance, organised stuff, I hated surprises. And very rarely anyone could surprise me, I was mostly ahead of everything. But then I was wrong about him. I lost him. From the time I have known him, he was the insane one and I was the least fun person one could hang out with. All our friends choose him over me, they would hang out with me only if he was around. My house would always be spot less till he comes around and then he goes out with the kids and I end up cleaning after the mess they made. "

"How long were you both married?" Noah asked taking the empty cups to the sink, she sat there and watched him.

"I had known Gregory since he moved into my town. He was the only child to his parents and somehow his parents and my parents were friends and then my parents died in an accident and his parents sort of took me under their wings. we were together all the time, in school, outside school, he was my prom date, he was my saviour, he knew me inside out. The only thing different about us was that he hated our home town and I never wanted to leave. He was a doctor. Before he was leaving for college we realised we loved each other and we got together one night and accidently conceived violet. He being the responsible one asked me to marry him and we were married for ten years." Caitlynn ended with a sigh. She had not thought about all this in a very long time but telling him felt like the most natural response.

"it must be so difficult for you." Noah stated the obvious.

"it should be, and it was for a while I'm not going to lie, but it wasn't as devastating as people assume me to be. ." Caitlynn said smiling thinking the irony behind everything.

"You didn't love him?" Noah had to ask, he didn't knew why but he wanted to listen to whatever she was willing to open up.

"What is love actually? Ten years we were married but I have known him all my life, you'd think I would say of course I do, but looking back I now realize that I never said that I love him and he didn't say me. Growing up we just couldn't stay without one another and we just assumed its love, it might have been a very good friendship with benefits, but it wasn't much do with love I guess." Caitlynn said getting up and walking to the kitchen to gather herself.. Talking about stuff still hurt her, the pain was still raw and unattended. It had ignored for so long and she didn't have time to sit and lick her wound, she was too busy taking care of herself. There was a point when she thought she was losing the battle she had with depression but then her kids were too small and she couldn't take what she had for granted.

Noah was confused he had so many things to ask but he didn't want to pry too much into her life he had surge of anger that bubbled up for Gregory he didn't understand why, this was what he did for a living, he was a therapy councilor, day in and day out that all what he did, but this felt different, he felt like he was being attached to this family for no apparent reason.

"I should go!" Noah announced louder than he had anticipated, Caitlynn smiled and walked him to the door. As she was about to close the door he held the door and said.

"Before I leave I just want to say none of what happened is your fault Clark, what you feel and what you don't require an explanation. No one understand what you went through better than yourself. If you decide to put your foot down and take care of yourself and the kids, you don't have to feel anything else but pride, that you pulled yourself out of this situation all by yourself. You don't need anyone to fight your battle. You are warrior and I'm so glad I get to know you at this point of your life. " Noah said letting go of the door and backing away. He couldn't see Caitlynn beating herself for what she was not feeling for her husband's death. He meant every word of it and Caitlynn closed the door fell on the floor more tears falling from her eyes. She had not felt this relieved in ages. For Noah it might be just a string of words of motivation or consolation or appreciations or whatever he was trying to do but those words make her heart sore.