The Winners Take It All | Chishiya [English]

Questions without answers

"I'm glad you didn't die."

I didn't get any sleep that night either. My thoughts just kept wandering and wouldn't let me calm down.

He had unsettled me; it was as if something was still up in the bush.

He had changed, just like me. Sometimes I felt like I was talking to a completely different person. Also, the way he sometimes just stared into space made me think that something was bothering him. But I didn't want to ask, I wasn't as open as he was. Maybe he would tell me himself someday.

I jumped slightly as the young man next to me turned on his other side. He was now facing me. Since the moon was very bright that night, I was able to admire his gentle features again.

My heart skipped a beat. He was so beautiful... I didn't want to lose him at all. Who knows? Maybe I had finally found what I was looking for.

My new port in hell.

Someone I could trust.

Sure, I knew that this man in front of me could also be a danger. He was sometimes selfish, playing with other people... and yet he had never really done that with me.

Oh no, I got my hopes up again. But this time I didn't regret it. No, I had a new plan.

Tomorrow we would move. Chishiya said that the King of Spades was slowly coming our way and he didn't want to take any risks. Of course, I completely agreed with him - I didn't want to have to deal with an uninvited guest.

So, we decided that we would look for something new together. Of course, I asked myself why he always included me.

That just wasn't the typical Chishiya.

However, there was also something I hadn't told him yet.

Tomorrow I would go play again. A feeling told me that it was the right decision.

My goal wasn't too far away: The Queen of Diamonds.

Yes, maybe I wasn't a diamond player, but I honestly didn't care now. The thought had been embedded in my brain ever since I met Ayumi.

I rolled over on my back and stared at the ceiling. Strangely enough, it no longer bothered me that he was lying next to me. I rather enjoyed the warmth and affection that he didn't show during the day. My body was soaking up these elements, I just didn't want to forget what it felt like.

For a moment I thought back to the game of spades.

Life was damn precious. This realization came closer and closer to me with every game. But in the last one - yes - that was when I felt it most clearly. And that had given me a desire that had only increased with our conversation on the balcony.

I never wanted to feel that fear again. The fear of not having told him how I felt about him. The experience of powerlessness alone was enough for me.

I carefully ran my hand over the left side. The stitches were clearly noticeable, but the wound was healing.

I could hurt myself again, but this time much worse.

A risk.

The whole Borderland was a big risk.

So, one more wouldn't hurt.

Tomorrow, when I left the apartment, I would tell him everything. I would take the first step. Who knows, maybe I regretted it, maybe not.

I carefully turned my head back to him.

It depended solely on him.

At that moment his eyes opened, and he looked at me.

"You're not asleep yet?" he asked, and I simply nodded before turning my head back towards the ceiling. I didn't want him to see that I was blushing. I felt caught staring at him like that. He smiled.

"Do I have something on my face?", oh man, he was teasing me again!

"No," I replied quickly, "I was just watching you sleep."

Oh no, Ayuna, you didn't just say that did you?! How embarrassing!

I put my hand on my forehead and Chishiya laughed quietly. He also finally rolled over onto his back. His laughter died down quite quickly, so for a brief moment I thought he had fallen asleep. But he hadn't.

"Ayuna."

Just the way he said my name triggered something in me and I tried to forget the unpleasant tingling sensation that was spreading through me.

"Yes?" I squeaked and turned my head back to him. He still had his gaze fixed on the ceiling.

"I- oh, it doesn't matter. You should sleep, we don't know when we'll be able to rest again," I could have sworn he meant to say something else. But the know-it-all voice he quickly put on made me doubt myself. I probably just imagined it all.

"Okay," I whispered back quietly. Then we fell back into our familiar silence.

I have no idea how long it lasted, but I still couldn't sleep. It was like magic.

"I said you should sleep..." he murmured again after a while, and I sighed.

"You're not sleeping either," I replied, and he grumbled quietly.

"But only because you're breathing so loudly," he said, and I let out an indignant breath.

"Not true!" I defended myself when two arms suddenly wrapped themselves around my body.

It took me ten seconds to process what was happening.

And that was only because my head suddenly leaned against something.

A rapidly beating heart was just one of the side effects Chishiya Shuntaro produced at that moment.

He had taken me in his arms.

Was I just imagining it? Was my brain playing tricks on me because I was tired?

I carefully raised my arm and touched his body. A thousand stitches ran through my fingertips. No, it wasn't my imagination. I was actually in his arms.

His gentle breath passed over my head. And suddenly I was completely calm, my body finally relaxed.

"Now go to sleep," he whispered quietly, and I felt him relax too.

So, we lay together on the mattress, wrapped in our arms, and pressed together.

My suspicions were now even more confirmed. He had changed, something was happening within him. A few weeks ago, he wouldn't have done that...

And suddenly I wasn't afraid to confess my feelings to him anymore because I knew he wouldn't make fun of me.

Chishiya Shuntaro, what was going on in your head?

The tiredness came faster than I could count to ten. My eyes closed on their own and his steady heartbeat slowly lulled me to sleep.

The last thing I knew was a hand running through my hair. Then finally came the long-awaited sleep that took me into its depths.