The Winners Take It All | Chishiya [English]

A touch of desire

I was told that I had been plagued by a severe fever for several days.

What was the cause? They didn't know that for sure. Ann and a doctor who made herself available to the beach suspected that it had something to do with stress and near-death. I didn't notice much in those three days. Every now and then I had heard voices, I had also spoken to other people, but I didn't know who had been there or what I had even said. It was foggy and therefore simply not accessible.

On the fifth day I was finally allowed to leave the makeshift clinic. I couldn't wait, because there were others lying down there who were in a lot of pain. Understandable... someone's leg had been torn off... Just scary.

So I hadn't really had much rest, which was noticeable. My limbs felt heavy...

So I was looking forward to another night's sleep, but unfortunately nothing came of it. Because when I turned into the hallway where my room was, I saw a very specific person standing in front of my room door. Since Ayumi had her back to me, she didn't see me.

I turned on my heel and literally fled. In my condition, I wasn't in a position to let her terrorize me right now.

My path took me back to the roof, where I sat down again close to the edge and watched the other people.

Somehow it reminded me of our encounter that Chishiya and I had here. I found it disgusting how he had probed me. This was the first time he had really cornered me - and I had hated him for it without even thinking about the words.

A dilemma.

I had imagined that as long as I held back, I was safe. I was still the Ayuna I didn't want to be. The control that Ayumi still had over me was enormous. And I, Ayuna, had thought that in the real world, I had finally been free. But - that wasn't me. Not if I didn't fight back . She tapped into my soft, vulnerable side, just like she had in front of our parents. But... father and mother weren't here. Ayumi was my only opponent.

Chishiya was right, I was already caught in trouble. The board noticed that I wasn't stupid. It wouldn't be long before they would have exposed Ayumi's fraud. Who knows, maybe there would be consequences. And it was clear that my duplicate image would take the initiative to find me guilty. She would unload everything on me - even though she had stolen my life. But I was tired of it, I didn't want to be the donkey anymore who would take all the blame.

He was right and I didn't believe him because the hatred was too great. It wasn't even the hatred for him - no - it was the hatred that I committed against myself. I hadn't listened to him because he spoke to a side of me that I despised.

And now? Now it was different. I no longer only had an arrogant asshole in my mind, but also a gentle, intelligent young man.

Gentle goosebumps covered my body and I felt a short, slight longing. I wished for a moment that his warm hands would stroke my body again , that we would once again find an indescribable rhythm that would make us forget everything else.

But as quickly as the thought came, it disappeared again. Shame replaced the warmth that had spread inside me.

Damn, why did I have to think about that now!?

I sat back and tried to concentrate on the sunset that was slowly approaching. At that moment I heard the door close.

"So you're here," the voice sent goosebumps all over my body and I fell into a state of paralysis.

What now... WHAT NOW!?

I wasn't prepared to talk to him again! We, I - oh man, it was all so complicated!

He wasn't impressed and flopped down on the edge of the roof next to me. Then he held something out to me. It was a blue bracelet. "That's from Hatter," he said and I looked at the number.

10.

A pretty big jump, one number less and I was on the board, the man seemed to have confidence in me. This trust could be of great use to me if I used it correctly.

I noticed Chishiya's eyes on me. But it wasn't unpleasant. Somehow it was no longer the look with which he had looked at me before.

"Is something wrong?" I wanted to know when I finally got my gills apart. He grinned.

"Mmmh, no. I was just expecting a different reaction," he looked straight ahead, "But with you it's so hard to guess what you're going to do next."

"Is this good or bad?" I asked him as I played with the bracelet. He just shrugged his shoulders.

"Both and," he bent his right leg, "It makes you stronger, but... it also makes others ask questions that drive you crazy." Was he just talking about himself? Or had I just misinterpreted the words? The guy loved to make things unnecessarily complicated.

He looked at me again. "I'm curious to see what you make of the situation, Ayuna," then we were silent. I didn't dare say anything as he looked like he was enjoying the silence. If I was honest, I enjoyed it too.

I was suddenly much more relaxing.

Had it always been like this? What was going on, what had changed...

I didn't mean to react like that, but I did it anyway. Somehow I couldn't get him out of my head. He was anchored in my mind, yes, I would see him as soon as I closed my eyes.

Chishiya Shuntaro, you are a mystery to me. I don't know much about you and yet you suddenly captivated me. I tried to despise you, but now I don't do it anymore.

I didn't hate you, but then what was it? They weren't neutral feelings, I could just imagine that.

Was it... love? Affection? If so, I was a lost cause. There's no way he would reciprocate that emotion, let alone love someone like me. I wasn't even close to being as talented as he was. I would just slow him down.

Next to me he suddenly stirred. He had stood up. Without a word he left the roof and left me alone.

I was confused, my heart ached.

Yes, I really was a hopeless case.

Since when could dark chocolate be sweet? It was impossible.

And that's why I would never understand it.