The Winners Take It All | Chishiya [English]

The forced longing for death

How I had managed to plant myself back in my room was a great mystery to me.

All I could remember was staring at the wall. I deliberately avoided the bed.

I didn't know how much time had passed. I had long lost the feeling for it.

I only came back to reality when the bell rang. I heard Hatter open the front door. And I didn't want the voice that I heard then to be here.

Chishiya - he was here.

I couldn't see him now, I didn't want to see him! I wouldn't be able to bear
his gaze on me!

Option 1: Let Collin comfort you.

Option 2: Get out of your room.

The options that I had needed so much suddenly appeared again. I knew that every decision would have consequences in the future. But I still got up and opened my room window. I was able to use the rain pipe to shimmy down ...

But first I put a chair under the door handle. They would come in, which I wanted to avoid because the door was locked from the outside. I heard them coming up the stairs. Hatter and Chishiya. They seemed to be discussing quietly. But I didn't wait and swung the first leg out of the window, then the second.

I grabbed the pipe with my fingers and let myself slide down until I had grass under my feet. Only then did I realize that I had forgotten to put on shoes. My phone beeped. I pulled out the device and noticed a message had arrived. It was from Sinja Elvis, Lukas Kant's ex-girlfriend.

I know you slept with him. You'll regret this, bitch. I haven't let go of him yet.

The words hurt, even though I wasn't Johanna Brown. They hurt because I knew the person on the other end had no idea. She just did what the Game Master told her.

What an impact words could have...

I started running slowly, even if I had no destination. I just ran, somewhere, no matter where fate took me. The lights had now been turned off as it was getting light. The night was over.

My phone beeped again.

Don't ignore me, you horny thing! You sleep with everyone you come across! But keep your private parts away from Lukas!

It wasn't the truth, Ayuna... Don't let something that was forced by others hurt you...

You notice that the situation is dragging you down more and more. You imagine that you have lost Collin. He would find you disgusting, he would definitely not want anything to do with you anymore.

What was that all of a sudden? I haven't had this kind of information before -

You have lost your hope for a quiet life. You will never find someone who will love you. And the one who loves you madly - you don't want to have anything to do with him. You think it would be better to finally end everything...

No... I didn't like that direction. I didn't want it to slide that way! Yes, I was raped, but this was just a game! I should stop playing with my feelings like that!

Option 1: End your life by hanging yourself.

Option 2: End your life by bleeding to death.

Option 3: End your life by jumping from the bridge into the Sumida River.

W-What?

I hated this game! I hated that cheerful female voice! I - why? Why should I die? Why was there no option where I could live! I didn't want to die!

Not... not again...

I would break the promise I made to myself five years ago! I had promised that I wouldn't do it again, that I wouldn't make the mistake again... And now I was being forced to commit suicide? I should die even though I wanted to live?

And I had no choice?

I had to or I would be pierced by a laser. No matter what I chose, death was the end of the story.

I slowly started moving.

I would die... I WOULD DIE...

Tears streamed down my face. My cell phone rang.

Dad calls...

Option: You don't accept the conversation.

To hell with this game! I wanted to scream in frustration, but no sound came from my throat.

Collin calls...

Option: You don't accept the conversation.

The bridge got closer, the fear squeezed the air out of my body. The closer I got, the harder it became to finally get oxygen back into my lungs.

"One, two, three!" A crackling noise could be heard, the continuous beeping was replaced by slow, increasingly faster beeps. "We've got her! ICU immediately!"

Why did I do it again? What drove me to do this back then?

"I can't accept that!"

"Hebuki, don't be so loud!"

"Why? What should others think of us now! A daughter who tried to commit suicide! I wish she had died, then we could have at least covered it up as an accident!"

I finally managed to catch my breath. I wanted to stop, but I wasn't allowed to. If I did, I would die even sooner. I should use the last few minutes I had left. I was supposed to watch the sunrise one last time before my sun would set forever.

This time there was no one there to save my life.

I craned my head towards the sky.

Was this the fate of Johanna Brown? Was it meant that way? Was there perhaps no hope for me from the beginning? Maybe the game was even designed that way so that everyone could win except me. Who knows what the others' goal was. Maybe everyone just had it out for me.

Collin calls...

Option: You don't accept the conversation.

I would die alone. Nobody would care because this was just a stupid role. Once I was gone, they would forget me. Then I was one of the souls who lost their lives here in the Borderland.

My bare feet stepped onto the bridge. The breeze gave me goosebumps. Apart from the white summer dress that they had prepared, I had nothing on.

Was that why they only provided me with this kind of clothes? To make my death a little sweeter?

It was like in the movie where the young woman threw herself to her death wearing a simple white dress. It looked so beautiful when they did it. And now... now I would do it too. I would throw myself off the bridge, then fly for a moment and faint from the impact. I would drown without knowing it.

I reached tremblingly for the railing. Then I climbed to the other side and stood, my fingers clinging to the last hold.

Now I just needed to let go.

Then it would be over.

I looked at the horizon again. The sky was bathed in a beautiful, reddish light. I wish I had paid more attention to this colorful play of colors. There were so many things that I hadn't experienced yet - things that I would have liked to have experienced. But fate didn't want it.

I let go.

For a moment I felt like a bird flying through the air.

Then came the water.

It pushed the air out of my lungs again.

Fireworks exploded in front of my eyes.

And then...

Then it was quiet.