lost • svt

c. nineteen

[ third person ]

three days, it's been three days nang dalhin nila si ysha sa ospital. at tatlong araw na rin siyang hindi nagigising. all of them are worried. sino ba namang hindi? she's always laman ng ospital starting from the day she tried to end her life up until now.

other members takes turn sa pagbabantay sa kaniya with her mom. but wonwoo decided to stay. hindi siya naalis sa tabi nito at hinihintay na magising. in those days, seungcheol never failed to remind him to rest but he always refused. ayaw niyang iwan ang kasintahan.

"wonwoo, kumain ka na muna. ako na muna bahala kay ysha," but the man shakes his head and glanced at cheol.

"busog pa ako, hyung." tanging sagot niya at hinawakan ang kamay ni ysha.

"wons, hindi ka pa nakain mula nung isang araw. paano ka nabusog?" tanong ng nakatatanda. pero wala siyang nakuhang sagot mula rito kaya napabuntong-hininga nalang siya.

"wonwoo, ysha will be fine. she'll wake up, trust her. don't be too hard on yourself. you need to eat, alagaan mo naman ang sarili mo. wala ka pang tulog, oh, puyat na puyat ka na. puro tubig lang laman ng tiyan mo. baka sa susunod ikaw na ang nakahiga riyan at si ysha na ang nagbabantay sa'yo," paalala ni cheol.

"hyung, nag-aalala na ako, hindi ako mapakali. pangalawang beses na siyang nawawalan ng malay kasabay ng paghinto ng tibok ng puso niya."

"at isa pa, this is the second time na hindi siya nagising agad after what happened before.. when.. w-when she tried t-to—" hindi niya na itinuloy ang sasabihin at pinigilan ang sarili na maiyak. he's still blaming himself sa nangyayari kay ysha ngayon.

kasalanan ko lahat. he thought. kung sana pinuntahan ko siya the time when she called, hindi sana mangyayari sa kaniya 'yon.

"it was my fault for not being there when she needs someone by her side, to accompany her. i should've been there when she needs me the most.."

"but i wasn't there.." cheol heard wonwoo sniffed. he's crying. the older knows where he's coming from because it was ysha that they're talking about.

and being with him for almost a decade, it's very rare na makita nila itong umiiyak. they know him as a person who don't show emotions and good at hiding his own feelings. he only shows his serious and cold side for everyone. but of course there is an exception, and it was ysha choi, the love of his life.

"don't blame yourself, wonwoo. it was no one's fault. hindi matutuwa si ysha kapag nalaman niyang sinisisi mo pa rin ang sarili mo sa nangyari," wonwoo heard cheol, but he stayed silent and just held ysha's hand up to his cheeks, caressing it and silently praying for her to wake up.

how could i not blame myself? knowing that i should've done something.

———

[ choi ysha ]

nagising ako sa dalawang boses na nag-uusap. hindi ko pa iminumulat ang mga mata ko and i feel my body become numb. para akong nas-sleep paralysis and i don't know why. hinayaan ko lang itong mawala hanggang sa maramdaman kong may humawak sa kamay ko.

wonwoo's crying.. again.

dahan-dahan kong binuksan ang mga mata ko at napansing nasa ospital na naman ako. i glanced at my side and saw wonwoo wiping his tears with seungcheol patting his back. ilang segundo pa bago ako mapansin ng nakatatanda.

"she's awake!" natutuwang sigaw niya na nakaagaw ng pansin ni wonwoo. agad naman itong lumingon sa akin na bakas ang pagkagulat at saya.

nagpaalam si cheol na tatawag muna ng doktor kaya naiwan kami ni wonwoo na siyang pinaulanan ako ng mga tanong.