A Vow of Silence

Chapter 1.

Nicole

I sat down across from Patterson in what used to be my family's house. It was mostly empty now with all the furniture gone from yard sales and donations. The only thing left was the raggedy old kitchen table that my husband had sworn he'd get rid of. Sitting at the table now nearly three years later is a painful reminder that he never got to do it.

"I see you're in the process of moving," DA Patterson said folding her hands together on the table. I said nothing back to her as I remained tight-lipped sitting across from her. She was used to my silence by now, I don't know why she kept trying to make conversation. Maybe she thought things were different now that I wasn't handcuffed to a table while wearing an orange jumpsuit.

"The state is clearing you of all liability for the crime, and you will be receiving a set amount of money to provide you with comfort for the three years you were incarcerated." Patterson began to read off the list word for word as if she hadn't given this same speech to many others before me. She knew I knew the ins and outs of the justice system just as well as she did, there was no need for this meeting.

And as if she read my mind Patterson looked up and noticed me. She took a deep breath as she closed the folder and slid it over to me. I made no attempts to open it for I already knew the contents of my case. The images were already burned into my head, there was no forgetting that day even if I wanted to.

"Nicole, I know the pain you're going through. I know the grief you must feel from losing your girls, but letting that grief eat you up inside is not healthy." She stared at me for a brief moment and tilted her head. "Have you made any attempts at contacting the counselor that the state gave you? It may be beneficial to talk to someone about what you've been through."

I said nothing as I kept my face still to prohibit any emotion. Patterson sighed in frustration and got up to collect her things. I knew she was becoming frustrated with me. Three years, and I haven't spoken to her or a single fed since that day. I didn't speak unless there was something to say, and I had absolutely nothing to say to her.

"Nicole, I know you may hate me for what happened to you, but I am not your enemy here. Hating me won't bring anyone back! You have to remember that your husband got himself mixed up in something he shouldn't have and that cost him his life! It took away your children and placed you behind bars. Nothing can bring any of that back! Revenge won't fix anything; it'll only eat you up until there is nothing left!" Patterson breathed angrily through her nose like a bull. I know that seeing me just sitting there stone face with no emotion was killing her.

"Just don't do anything reckless Nicole. Restart your life, and reconnect with your family. You are innocent, don't become guilty. If you don't do it for yourself do it for Olivia and Mia." A sardonic smile played on my lips at the mention of my girls. It was strange how so many people always used their names to guilt trip me into doing something. Funny thing is, most of the people using their names in vain had never spent a day with my children, they have no idea who they were outside of their names.

Patterson ended our meeting by placing the counselor's card on the table. I listened for the door to indicate when she was truly gone, and then got up from the table to grab my luggage. I didn't have a lot of stuff thanks to my husband's family who sold most of it.

I guess I would have done the same thing if I thought my brother's wife killed him. I would have left that woman with nothing too. But seeing that I am innocent, it's only right that I returned the favor. Most of his family and mine have tried to contact me in an effort to 'hear my truth,' but I have no intention of ever seeing those people again. I tried to tell my truth three years ago, but no one wanted to listen. They sided with the men on my husband's killer's payroll and left me to die.

Well, they could all do me a favor by leaving me alone. I'd be better off dead than trying to reconcile. I want nothing to do with my old life. I have no interest in retelling my story or going on some book tour about how the justice system had wronged me. I just want to slip through the cracks like the man who took everything from me.

Leaving to me just feels right. There is nothing left for me here, nothing else to fight for. It's funny, Malik use to try to persuade me to leave San Diego all the time. But I would never budge. I loved San Diego; I had finally been promoted to lieutenant. My girls went to the best daycare that money could buy, and my dad lived here for some time. I had a wonderful life until I didn't.

Charming just seemed like the right move. My dad had moved there after I was convicted. When he called me he told me that it was the one place where people didn't seem to care about the case. He called it a final resting ground because if you were moving to Charming you inevitably had to die there.

Well, I haven't been living very much so living to die doesn't seem so bad. My dad needs some help as he gets older and he has a spare room up there that I can use. Three years did a number on his health, and I don't know how much time I'll have left with him. Time is something I'm beginning to cherish more because before, I lived like I had all the time in the world. If only I had known that in a split second everything would change. Oh, how different things would have been if only I'd known.