A Vow of Silence

Chapter 7.

Nicole

I needed money. And not a couple of dollars here or there, I needed a few thousand. Why, might you ask? Well, the answer is simple. My dad was late on every bill known to mankind. I was surprised they hadn't come and repossessed the home, or the state hadn't forced him into a home.

I found out when I was cleaning around the house a couple of days ago. He was never a neat or organized person, so every drawer was a miscellaneous drawer. I was looking for his prescription so that I could go refill it for him, but then I stumbled upon a drawer that couldn't even open with how much paperwork he stuffed inside of it. I was horrified as I went through all the 'past due' and 'urgent' letters written to him.

I wanted to ask him about them, but my father wasn't all there. Like, I knew he had early onset Alzheimer's, but I never knew how scary and sad it was to watch the person you love start forgetting so much. I didn't want to say it or think about it, but I knew there would be a day when his health would exceed my level of expertise.

So, I did what I could at that moment. I started paying for as much as I could, and it was...a lot. There was so much to pay off that it led me to where I am now. I needed a job to maintain this house, and not only that, to maintain my father's health as well. Eventually, I'd either have to hire someone to help me with him or I would have to put him in a home. He didn't have much of a retirement fund either, and I was running out of money.

I was nervous about finding a job because even though I was exonerated, the fiasco at the grocery store had me second-guessing myself. I couldn't help but think that I would be turned away simply because of what happened. It frustrates me to even think this way because I did everything right. I got good grades, I got a degree, and I had a great job. But now, all that doesn't matter because for three years I was painted as the woman who killed her family in cold blood.

I didn't think it was worth it to even go to the unemployment office, because I knew I'd get stuck with minimum-wage jobs that didn't pay much. And as crazy as it sounded, the only people who didn't judge me in this town were the outlaws. So, I took a chance and drove down to the bar I went to that other night.

In the daytime, however, I could see that it was very much not a bar but a studio. Thankfully, Lyla was outside talking to some of the girls on a smoke break. I rolled down my window and her eyebrows shot up in surprise when she noticed me.

"Hey Nicole," she said walking up to the truck, "what are you doing here?"

I let out a shaky breath, "are you guys hiring?"

Lyla looked taken aback, "here?"

"Well," I looked around at the women who were wearing nothing but robes to shield their naked bodies. "Not exactly doing...that, but like do you have any other positions? Like I'm great with a camera," but then I thought about how embarrassed I'd be videotaping, "or...maybe grabbing refreshments."

Lyla let out a laugh that caused her whole body to shake. She tried to contain herself but failed miserably as tears welled up in her eyes, "I'm sorry for laughing."

"No, I'd probably laugh at me too," I said waving her off.

"Look, I think Nero might be taking in some new girls-"

"Doing what?" I asked while I gave her a quizzical look.

"On second thought, are you good with kids?"

I found myself taking two involuntary steps back at the question. The question startled me and made me feel nauseous all at the same time. I never thought being around children would ever be an option for me again. I told myself I'd get my tubes tied as soon as I had the chance, more so out of the fear that someone would come and take my babies away from me again.

"Are you okay Nicole?" Lyla asked noticing my change of behavior.

I broke out of my trance, "yeah, I'm okay. Why'd you ask me about kids?"

"Oh, well, a friend of mine was looking for a sitter. Jax, I think you remember him from the night before. He has two boys and he wants to take some of the load off of his mom, Gemma."

"I don't know Lyla; I don't think that's for me."

"Well, he's a good boss and his boys are the sweetest. Abel is starting preschool soon, so you'll be around Thomas a lot. It's full-time, so you'd most likely be there for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Jax works a lot so he's barely home anyway, so you won't have someone breathing down your neck. Well, at least that someone won't be him."

I was still hesitant about the offer and Lyla noticed. "Phone," she said extending her hand out for my phone. I gave her a quizzical look but handed her the device anyway. Her fingers tapped on my screen as she typed something I couldn't see before handing it back to me.

I looked down at the screen to see Jax's number in my contact list. "Lyla," I groaned.

"Whatever your concerns are just tell him. Jax is a good guy. Trust me, he isn't judgmental." Yeah, well he hasn't had me to judge, I thought in my head.

"Okay," I said not bothering to argue with her any further.

A smile grew on her face before she parted ways with me. I got back in the truck and had this heavy feeling in my stomach. The job sounded like a dream, but there were some dreams that I didn't have the luxury of having anymore. I loved kids and wanted a big family growing up since it was always just me and my dad. But that dream quickly changed, for obvious reasons.

When I was parked at the house, I sat there until I had built up enough courage to call him. My employment options were slim and I figured I'd at least give this a shot.

"Hello?" Jax's husky voice filled my ears.

"Hey," I said in a breathy tone. I physically smacked my hand to my forehead to calm myself down. "This is Nicole, Lyla gave me your number."

"Oh, hey Nicole," he sounded surprised, "what's going on?"

"I hear you were looking for a sitter," it came out more like a question than a statement.

"Yeah, you good with kids?"

The question made me pause, and I forced myself to regain my composure as flashbacks of my girls flooded my brain. "Yeah, I guess I was."

"Okay, I'm busy right now but how about you come over tomorrow? I'll give you my address-"

"Jax," I said cutting him off, "look I think you should know about me before we do this. I want you to do something for me first, and then if you still want me to come over for an interview tomorrow, then you can call me back."

"Yeah, okay," I could tell by his tone that he was taken by surprise.

"I want you to look me up Jax, My name is Nicole. Nicole Patrice Booker."