A Flower in War

Chapter Thirty-Eight: Love & Fear

"I'm always good."
"That is a damn lie and you know it Robert!" Cal laughs heartily.
"I'm always good for you... now."
"That 'now' just saved your ass."
"See! I'm a quick learner!"
"Then you'll be fine in school!"
"I'm not going to get you to let me just get my GED huh?"
"Not a chance in hell."
"You're lucky I'm so in love with you. I'll brave the public school system full of jocks, preps, assholes galore - all for you."
"And you are lucky I'm so in love with you that I will entertain all your school PDA fantasies." Cal smirks, giving him a soft peck.
"Really huh?" Robby smiles, holding her jaw in his hand, keeping her lips just an inch from his own.
"Really." Cal smirks, connecting their lips. She breathes into the kiss, turning her body around and putting her hand on the back of his neck to hold him to her.

"Send that email to Mr. LaRusso so I can have your undivided attention." Robby pants against her lips. Cal giggles, turning around and typing once again, Robby's lips now descending upon her neck. Cal groans softly, quickly sending the document and closing her laptop and placing it on her bedside table.
"Done."
"Good." Robby smirks, pulling her down to the bed with him.

-

"How're you doing Sammy?" Cal asks her sister softly, noticing her morose expression as she stares at her phone.
"Fine."
"Sammy... you are a shit liar."
"Language!" Amanda sings from the kitchen.
"Sorry Aunt Amanda!" Cal calls back.
"You're still a bad liar." She whispers, "It's Miguel huh?"
"That obvious?"
"Just to me. It's okay to be sad about losing him and what you had, and also be angry for what he did. He was my friend. But he hit me, however accidental - what he did was wrong. If he had immediately apologized that would be one thing. But he didn't, so I mourn who he was and am angry at what he became."

"Does it ever go away? The anger? The sadness?"
"No, but it lessens with time. And it lessens when you let yourself feel what you do without dwelling on it. So, no more looking at his Instagram, no more stalking, no more dwelling. Mourn and feel and move on."
Sam nods with a soft smile on her lips, "Thanks sis. Really."
"I've had enough shit in my life to write an entire series of self help books! I'm just glad it's helping someone."
"It is."

"Okay, lunch is done! The boys were surprisingly helpful!" Amanda announces.
"Well, Robby more than Tony."
"Hey!" Tony whines.
"The whole object of this was to get you two to learn some basic life skills, and instead you played that game for nearly the entire time."
"Robby had a turn too!"
"He had a turn because I made you hand over the iPad for five minutes so you could actually learn something!"

"What did Aunt Amanda teach you to cook?" Cal asks Robby with a smile as Tony argues behind them.
"Chicken cucumber pitas with tzatziki and a Caesar salad!"
"Very nice! We will have you cooking like a chef in no time!" Cal smiles, giving him a soft kiss.
"Do I get a kiss every time I cook?" Robby smirks.
"Yes."
"Oh I'm going to be a Michelin chef by the end of summer." Cal laughs, giving him another kiss.

"All right don't eat each others faces before lunch!" Amanda breaks the two up, making everyone laugh.
"Yeah, don't rub your relationship in my very single face!" Sam teases.
"Sorry, sorry!" Cal laughs, letting go of Robby. Robby smiles at the family dynamic, the one he always wanted. The one he knew Cal always wanted, and now she had it. She had it and he did too. The LaRussos were good to him, they treated him with respect and kindness even after he lied. They showed more care than either of his parents. He only hoped that he could carry that care into his own family one day.

"You okay babe?" Cal whispers, holding onto his hand.
"Yeah, yeah I'm really good flower. I'm glad you have a family again, and I'm glad I get to be a part of it." Robby whispers back, meeting her eyes. His own forest green irises showing the warmth of his statement, making Cal's cheeks heat up.
"Me too." She offers him a soft smile before releasing his hand to sit down on the bench with the rest of the family.

-

"Do you miss him?" Robby asks softly from Cal's bed.
"My dad?"
"No, Miguel... Eli..."
"I miss who they were when I really knew them. But I don't miss who they are now and I don't like who they are now."
"What were they like before?"
Cal puts her hairbrush down, tying up her hair before climbing into bed with Robby, cuddling into his chest.
"Eli was sweet. He was unsure of himself, but kind and courteous. He wasn't one to stick up for himself or even like himself. He was so... sad really. But when I met him and he spilled water on me-"
"Wait he was the one that spilled water on you your first day?"
"Yep! He thought I was going to hit him because that was all he knew. But when I didn't and I didn't react to his scar, I could tell that he was a bit more on board with me being his friend. After that the boys and I did everything together. They tried to teach me to play this game but I was so rubbish at it so I just became their cheerleader. They were sweet and understanding and so so kind... I don't know how they went from that to bullies." Cal shakes her head sadly. Robby wraps his arms around her even more, kissing the top of her head.

"My dad is what did it..." Robby whispers.
"What do you mean?"
"I know how he's been teaching... it's archaic. Cruel even. He's molding them into bullies instead of people who just need the courage to defend themselves from bullies. They became the very thing they hated and they did it because my dad showed them how. He was a bully back when he was a teen."
"I know. He bullied my dad."
"He did?"
"Yeah, put him in the hospital."
"And you still think he could change?" Robby asks incredulously.

"Anyone can change if they want to. He just has to want to. My dad told me that he was just a scared boy, one with so much on his plate that he could never eat it all and instead just got hurt. By his step dad, by his sensei, his teachers, even his friends. Your dad had to grow a shell around himself to stop the pain inflicted by the people closest to him, the ones that were supposed to love him unconditionally. He never broke out of that shell. He's still holding onto this facade because it's what he knows protects him from the outside, from everyone. He's just... he's lost."
"How did you come to be so kind? You've had your entire world rocked over and over and you still manage to hope. How do you do it?"

"By leaning on the people who love me and listening to myself, loving myself despite my flaws. I'm kind because I know how it feels to be treated with malicious intent and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. But I wasn't always like this. After my dad died I was so angry, it was like I lost everything I ever had, all my dreams, my wants, my needs - they were wiped away the minute he flatlined. I was alone and I was scared, so I got angry. I stewed in my misery, I let it make me volatile... and then I saw the look on a small girl's face as I held her brother's shirt in my hand, getting ready to punch him." Carena let's out a shaky breath, "She was so small. She was so scared, and I-I realized that I became my abusers. I hurt someone and I didn't even care that I did. But seeing her face, all I could see when I looked at her was myself as a child, watching my mother beat my father... So I let the boy go, told him he needed to watch where he was going even if he was in a hurry. I even gave him some money for food and an ice pack. I told him that even though he ran into me, it was my fault for escalating it and I was sorry. He just nodded, grabbed his little sister, and high tailed it out of there. I made a choice then: I wasn't going to allow my fear or anger run my life."

"Your dad would be really proud of you flower." Robby whispers, rubbing her back while leaving small kisses at her hairline.
"I hope he is." Cal sniffles softly.
"I know he is."