One Last Case (Emily x reader)

Episode eight

A/n my gift to you this New Year's Eve. Happy new years and I hope 2023 becomes you year, or at least starts/continue to be better.

"To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead." - Bertand Russell

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Emily pov

I've always had a hard time compartmentalise my personal feelings, like love, hate, grief. It made it easy for feelings like anger take over and i'd distance myself more and more, until there is no more room and i fall. Fall down to a place where i can't get up. That's where she had found me... or rather where i had found her. Whichever way it was, it got me up and my walls started to disintegrate in front of my eyes. And she wasn't even trying.

"Since the news have broadcasted that we're here, none of us should sleep alone. We'll bunk up if that's okay with everyone. Two bed bedrooms." Hotch suggests as we're all yawning and only keeping away because of the five coffee cups standing in front each one of us.

"I'm not sleeping with Reid at least." Morgan says with a little laugh and Penelope reacts before anyone else.

"Dibs." she says as she puts her hand on his arm where he's standing next to her chair. If it weren't for Penelope dating Kevin, i would have thought they were dating. I did when i first joined. But that was before i got to know that they're platonic soulmates, just like JJ is... was Y/n's platonic soulmate. The two were similar, only that JJ actually flushed ever time Y/n said something about it. What was it she used to call her? Her honey? Yeah, it was their version of baby girl. And i was princess, only because Prentiss sounds so similar. She loves to... no, don't go down that trail of thoughts. Not tonight.

"Fine, Reid, you're with JJ, Y/n, you're with Emily." Hotch says and i'm on my way to think that they are trying to push us together now. Okay, fine, offering her old room back to her for a little time was my idea. But this is not the same. I offered her that room because i was being nice, not because i wanted to, not really. My brain was screaming no while my heart was opening ever darn door. Unfortunately, my heart controls my mouth most of the times.

"That's fine." Y/n says with a little yawn. Our chairs are close to each other, i hadn't even realised it. I can guess when it was, because everybody looked up at us. I just didn't realise it at the time. I had shivered because i was a little cold, and as if going on auto or instinct. Y/n had pulled her chair closer to me. I don't even know how she does that, how she can radiate so much heat. Don't get me wrong, i'm not complaining. I stoped shivering and could concentrate a little better. And she didn't even need to touch me for it to happen. That is how much control Y/n Bailey has over me. Even after being separated for almost two years, she still has that much power over me.

🦋

It's eleven pm when we've all said goodnight, we're in our own rooms, in bed, trying to sleep. We're supposed to meet back at the station at 8, so both our alarms are put on the nightstands in between us. But even under the covers, with a my long pyjama pants and my oversized t-shirt, both bought by Y/n for our first Christmas. Before we were even friends. Because for as long as we've known each other, she's kept me warm. She used to say that it was because she would be in trouble if she'd let me die of hypothermia. Even though i basically freeze all the time. Negative of growing up in many warmer countries.

"Are you okay?" Y/n's voice asks across the dark room. The moonlight lights up her figure under the covers, but nothing more.

"Yeah, why?" i lay down on my back and bite back a shiver wanting to crawl down my back. As if someone is pouring ice water down it.