A Dauntless Love

Chapter 32

6 Months Later

I miss Eric. Every day when I wake up alone I miss him. All day when I walk through the empty halls of Dauntless I miss him. Every night when I go to bed alone I miss him. Eric has never left my mind. Everyone says with time it will get easier but so far it hasn't. I feel Eric's absence in everything I do. Every time my baby moves inside me I am excited and sad. I am excited to feel the life growing inside me and I am sad that Eric is not here to share it with me. Today is my last day waking up in the loneliness of an empty Dauntless. There have hardly been any people living here and it just feels eerie. It was a hard decision but I ultimately decided to leave the Dauntless compound. It meant leaving the place I shared with Eric but I owed it to our child to raise them in the light. We found out our whole life was a lie and we were no more than a science experiment and I no longer wanted to live here. Word had gotten out about life beyond the fences and that is where I want to go. That is where I need to go. I loved Dauntless, I had grown up here, but I no longer felt happy here. It was time for a new life.

I woke up for the last time in the bed I shared with Eric. His pillow still faintly smelled of him and I sniffed deeply. My belly was now so round that it was difficult to get up off the bed. I put my hand on the swollen bump and rubbed. My child kicked wildly in response. Once I managed to get up I went to take a shower. I opened the bottle of Eric's soap and smelled it. I never used it but I kept it to smell him. I took my time in the shower since it would be the last time I saw this shower again. Eric and I had some fun times in this shower together. I knew I couldn't take forever because Marley would be waiting for me. She had been a godsend these past 6 months. I don't know how I would have gotten through it without her. We were leaving Dauntless together and moving into a new place outside the fences together.

I got out of the shower and dried off. I braided my hair and was surprised at how long it had gotten the past few months. I looked at the long braid that hung down my back. Eric would have loved to play with that braid. I went into the bedroom and picked up the clothes I had left out. I pulled on one of Eric's plain black t-shirts. It was tight across my belly but there wasn't really anything I could do about that. I wanted to wear it and I didn't really care what it looked like on me. With how round my belly was everything was tight on me. I put on a pair of black leggings and my boots. I may be leaving Dauntless but I wasn't leaving the Dauntless style behind. I put on Eric's jacket but wasn't able to zip it. I looked around at the apartment and everything in it was in boxes. All of the belongings that I was taking were packed up. I couldn't take everything with me and I had painstakingly decided what to leave behind. I looked at Eric's closet that was still half full. As much as I wanted every part of him I knew it would be stupid to keep everything. I kept my favorites or things that were special to me and left the rest. I would leave them there for someone else to use. I was leaving all the furniture behind which was a hard decision. I had a memory with Eric for every piece of furniture and I wanted it all. Regardless of what I wanted I had to be practical. I made the decisions of what to keep and stuck to those.

Marley didn't even bother knocking anymore and she just walked in. She put her hand on her hip and rolled her eyes.

"What?" I asked.

"Look at you. I told you that you would be adorably pregnant right up until the time you give birth." She said.

I laughed. "Oh please. I look huge."

Marley came over and put her hands on my round belly. The baby kicked and Marley smiled.

"No you aren't huge. You are adorable. You totally pull off pregnant."

"Okay whatever. If you say so."

Marley helped me carry the boxes out to the truck she had waiting. All her things were already in the back. Every time I tried to pick up a box she would slap my hand and take the box from me.

"Marley I'm pregnant not an invalid. I can carry a box." I said.

"Fine take this one." She said.

I took the box and it was full of pillows so it weighed nothing.

"Wow gee thanks." I said rolling my eyes.

"Hey it's a box isn't it? I think that is the last of it. Are you ready to go?" she asked.

I turned and looked at the empty apartment then looked back at her. She took the box of pillows from me.

"I will wait out in the truck. Take all the time you need."

I went back into the bedroom and looked around. I sat down on the bed and closed my eyes. This is the bed that Eric and I had shared. I gently cradled my belly. This is the bed we had fallen in love in, the bed that we had conceived our child in. Some of the best moments of my life had been spent in this bed with Eric. Leaving it behind would be like leaving a little piece of Eric behind. I ran my hand over the bed and especially over Eric's side. I wiped away the tears that had escaped from my eyes. I got up and walked over to the closet that still held half of Eric's clothes. I stepped inside and let them all come around me. I breathed in deeply and could faintly smell Eric in them. My throat clenched and I let out a single sob. I pulled the shirts close to my face and sniffed. I grabbed a few more of the shirts and took them with me. I just needed a little bit more of him. I visited every part of the apartment and thought about the time that I had spent there with Eric. As I left each room I tried to leave the pain behind.

Finally I had everything I needed except for Eric. I picked up the urn on the coffee table. I stood in the doorway and gave the place one last look. I blinked away the tears and closed the door. There was just one more place I needed to visit. I followed my feet because they knew exactly where I was going. The roar of the chasm got louder as I approached it. I had so many memories here at the chasm. I stopped in the little alcove that Eric and I had first had sex. I closed my eyes and leaned back against the cold stone. Was it really that long ago that we were just a couple of kids fucking in a dark hallway. So much had changed since then. I stepped out of the alcove and went over to the edge of the chasm. This is where Eric had saved me and our unborn child. When all hope had been lost he was there. He had never given up on me even though I had given up on him at one point. I would never forgive myself for those weeks I spent at Amity instead of with him. It was three more weeks I could have had by his side. I took one last look at the chasm and then walked away. Every memory of this place was etched in my mind and I would never forget where I came from. Maybe one day I would come back here. I could bring my child and show him or her where I had met and fallen in love with their father. I gave one final glance at the Dauntless compound before Marley drove away and we headed for our new life. A life outside the fences, a life without factions.