A Dauntless Love

Chapter 31

I woke up and slung my arm across an empty bed. I opened my eyes and saw the emptiness beside me. It was like losing him all over again. I would be waking up alone for the rest of my life. I could smell something cooking and I remembered Marley stayed over. I did not want to get up. I wanted to stay in bed for the rest of the day but I knew I couldn't. Even if I didn't want to eat I needed to eat for my baby. I had to take care of my baby. I sniffed Eric's pillow one more time and then got up. Eric's t-shirt clung to my little round belly and I could almost pretend it was Eric's way of embracing his child. I went to the bathroom and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My eyes were so red that I must have been crying in my sleep. I pulled my hair up in a bun to get it out of my face. After I used the bathroom I wandered out to the kitchen. Marley was in there cooking some bacon and eggs.

"Hey sweetie. Are you hungry?" she asked.

I sat down at the counter. "Not really but I need to eat."

Marley set a plate down in front of me then sat down next to me. I forced myself to eat the food and drink the tea she made me. Marley didn't say anything and I thanked her for it. I was not up for conversation. We ate in silence then did the dishes. Once the dishes were done Marley put her hand on my shoulder.

"I got them to release his body to you. I brought it to the medical wing last night. When you are ready we can go down there and get it. You can give him the Dauntless send off today." She said.

I hugged her close against me. She really was the best friend I ever had besides Eric.

"Thank you so much Marley. You have no idea how much that means to me." I said.

She rubbed my back then kissed my forehead.

"I love you Liz and I just want to help you any way I can. If you want to get dressed we can go."

I went to the bedroom and tried to decide what to wear to say goodbye to the love of my life. I pulled out a black dress that Eric had loved me in. It was lace and hugged my curves. It was a little tight around my round belly but I think he would have liked that even more. I took my hair down and let the scarlet waves cascade around my shoulders the way he liked. I put on a pair of boots and decided not to bother with makeup since it would only be wiped off. Marley was waiting for me by the front door. She gave me a sympathetic smile and opened the door. She was quiet as we walked down the empty hallways. I was starting to think we were the only people left in the Dauntless compound. With every step my heart got heavier. I reached out and grabbed Marley's hand. She squeezed mine lightly. We finally got to the medical wing and I felt like I was going to burst. So many emotions were rushing through me that I didn't even know what to feel. Marley led me to a room and then let go of my hand.

"He is in there. I will give you a minute. Let me know when you are ready and I will help you carry him outside."

"Thank you." I said quietly.

My hand shook as I turned the doorknob into the room. I opened the door and quickly closed it behind me. Eric was lying on the table in the dark room. I turned on the light and walked over to him. I pulled back the sheet and saw how different he looked already. His skin was so pale that it almost matched the sheet that was draped over him. His lips were blue and there were circles under his eyes that were the same color. Until this moment I could have fooled myself that Eric wasn't really dead. I could think that it had been some illusion or trick. Standing here with his body I knew the sad truth. I touched his pale cheek and it was like stone. Eric really was gone forever. There was still blood on his head and in his hair. I grabbed a wet towel and wiped the blood away. I fixed his hair the best I could to the way he always wore it. I took his icy hand in my own and kissed his knuckles.

"Eric, I love you and I will always love you for as long as I live. Don't you worry about us, okay? We are going to be just fine. I am going to raise this baby with light and love. He or she is going to know everything about you and how much you loved them. I miss you already Eric. I love you so much."

I leaned down and kissed his cold lips. I ran my hand over his cheek and took a good long look at his face. I opened the door and let Marley in. I wrapped Eric in the sheet and we picked him up. I held onto his shoulders and she held his legs. Marley had the car waiting right outside the medical wing and we took him out there. We set him in the back of the truck and drove to an open field. There was already a funeral pyre built in the middle of the field.

"Did you do that last night?" I asked.

"Yeah, I figured you would want to send him out Dauntless style." She replied.

"Thank you again."

We got out of the truck and Marley helped me carry Eric to the pyre. We set him down and I straightened him out. Marley stepped back.

"I'm going to let you have a moment. I will wait over there for whenever you are ready."

I pulled the sheet back from Eric's face to look at him one last time. I knew he was no longer there but I just needed to see him one last time.

"Goodbye my love."

I kissed his forehead and pulled the sheet back up around his face. I took out the matches I had brought and lit the pyre. I stepped back as the flames began to lick up under the wood. The flames began to rise and made it to Eric's body. I watched as the flames began to engulf him. My legs could no longer stand and I kneeled on the ground. I tried to blink through the tears that were pouring from my eyes. The wind was blowing and it blew my hair wildly around my face. I put my hands on my belly and gently stroked my child. I looked at the pyre that was now fully ablaze. Eric would be completely gone soon. I could not get myself to look away.

Eric had been Dauntless through and through. Our symbol was fire and Eric had been fire. It would only make sense for him to go out this way. I watched as the flames burned away the man I loved. For all his faults Eric had been an incredible man to me. I had known what Eric was the moment I met him but it did not change the fact that I had fallen for him. Eric had been the love of my life and I knew in my heart that I would never love another man like I loved him. He had been it for me, my one great love. I was in more pain right now than I had ever been in my entire life. We had loved fiercely and it was something I would never forget. I knew the fire could blaze for hours but I would not leave until it was completely out. I stood up and Marley was by my side. She held her arms out for me and I embraced her. After we hugged I leaned into her and she kept her arm around me. It took hours but I stayed there watching. Eric was gone forever now. I waited for the embers to cool then collected his ashes. I held the jar against me as Marley drove us back. Dauntless felt colder as we walked through the halls back to my apartment. I opened the door and I didn't feel anything. Marley came in.

"Do you want me to stay?" she asked.

I set Eric's ashes down on the coffee table.

"No, I'm okay. We are okay. Thank you for everything."

I gave Marley a hug and then she was gone. I touched the jar then walked away. I lay down in my bed and looked up at the ceiling. Then I felt it. It was not just a flutter but actual movement. I felt my child move inside me. I put my hands on my belly. My child was alive and well inside of me. Eric was not gone forever. He was right here with me and he would always be.