Keen's Turn: Descent & Depravation

Chapter 6: Wooden Stares (second quarter)

It was a long trip, but between walking, talking, reading, and listening to music the two of them passed the time. Most of their party had moved north since high school, and all agreed this was one of the better beaches, combining access to surf and sand and shade and grills and picnic tables without usually being too dirty or unbearably crowded. Today, however, it was packed with people of similar opinion, and the shore was adorned in a rainbow of umbrellas.

Michael and Alma were waiting for them by the water, which was calm and gently lapping at the sand. Both were crouched before a collection of flat stones which Alma was engaged in skipping, but Michael's attention seemed to have been diverted by a group of bikini-clad frolickers in the surf.

"Actually," Alma was saying, "if you're not careful, you can hit them from here."

Michael put his best effort into not being careful.

"What the hell, Michael!"

"I'm just tryna get their attention! Oh, hey guys."

The pair straightened as Jared and Rose approached.

"Whassup?" Rose beamed.

"Hey Michael, Alma."

Michael fist bumped him. "Long time no see, Jer. You been busy?"

Jared shrugged.

"Want to skip stones?" Alma asked. "First to ten skips wins."

"Hell no," Rose returned. "You'll clobber us."

"Yeah, you're the only one with a knack for it." Jared scoped out the crowds, looking for a populated area. The hot sun glinting off the water was keeping his worries at bay, but there was still nightfall to think about. "C'mon, let's go down that way."

The two gathered up their things and the group started off across the shore, Michael shooting rueful glances behind them. They hadn't gone far when he nearly stumbled over something round and gray in the sand.

"Hey, gross! Jellyfish!"

"That's not a jellyfish; it's a horseshoe crab." Alma came up alongside him and poked it with her toe. "It's called a living fossil. They come up close to shore during mating season."

"Crab, huh?" He bent and snatched it up, angling it at her like a parent airplaning in a spoonful of peas. "Let's skewer it and cook it up with the marshmallows later!"

"Stop! What's your damage, Michael!?"

"Yeah, you can't eat that shit." Rose looked at it with distaste.

He dropped the crab. "Hey, I was only kidding. I wasn't gonna eat him."

"Actually, it's probably a she," Alma informed him. "The females are much bigger than the males."

"Just like your mom."

"It's not even a true crab."

"Your mom has crabs."

"Wow, you're so funny, Michael. How old are you now?"

He shuffled his feet, looking to Jared for sympathy.

"It's nothing to be crabby about," Jared told her.

"C'mon Jer, that was weak."

Rose didn't look impressed either. "I ain't in pain."

"Yeah? If you keep making a fossil take you down! Littorally!"

"Oh!" said Alma. "Littoral, as in, close to—"