Confessions of a pagan gal. {the finally of memoirs} ✔️

Pranks

Again this is the Past coming up what happened was because of the bullying I pulled very malicious sometimes funny pranks either way I was very mean to the bully in a way of fighting it off what was going on in my life which was the bullying. I don't really like to talk about this subject but anyway the pranks were a cry for help instead I ended up being threatened with every kind of prison there is which was not very fun. And nobody seems to believe me about that except for some few people but that's beside the point.
My self-esteem was so low and so in the dumps that I thought I had a criminal record all the way up till now when I had a criminal record check when I was 30 I ended up finding out that it was squeaky clean. But I still held myself in a poster like a criminal and I still talk like a criminal in some cases with that rough voice even though I don't have covid or if I have covid doesn't matter I have a rough voice when I talk and that's just the way it is because of what I want through. The principal was in a hole and that was about the size of it I'm not going to say the actual word because he doesn't deserve it. I remember him dying I have a heart attack and I said good for him maybe he'll burn in hell what he did. Cuz he violated my human rights my threatening me with these different prisons from rendition to Guantanamo to normal prison not even juvenile hall  he just threatened me with it. I mean the heavy duty prisons and it was very bad for me. And I was more or less secluded to be with myself for the longest time. I didn't enjoy pulling these pranks or some of them are knee slappers but some of them were not very enjoyable and had to be done to get some justice in my life. This was after 9:11 so this is when they were starting to really get on my nerves with my DNA and my possible religion what they thought was Islam but really it wasn't it was just paganism if they got to know me more. Not all people of my cloth are Muslim some are Shamanism paganism some of them are wicked some of them are Christian or Buddhist so don't paint people with a broad brush and even if I was Muslim I do have a right for dignity and to be treated with the right kind of respect that I needed. There's just a lot going on in that part of my life that I didn't want to go through like I was getting into fights because of the prank so I was getting into and other things and I was under a lot of stress. It was so bad I said before in the last chapter that I was getting to the point where I had dark thoughts until up to my 30s I stopped having dark thoughts and I decided that was when it was too much for me to entertain the dark thoughts that I was going to go and waste my energy on something else more appropriate and more constructive instead of going around ripping heads off or ripping my own head off kind of thing this is me just saying that I was fed up with this kind of life and I was going to do it the old fashioned way flip the script. I did flip the script and that was the end of it. After I found out when I did the criminal check that I did not have a criminal record so that was ample enough for me to change my life for the battery instead of feeling sorry for myself. I would have had the damn thing actually framed if I didn't have a flood in my house as you mentioned just look at the earlier chapters about H2O. Which was basically what I was going through another hard time when I was in the actual motel with my parents I had no privacy and stuff in that kind of causes the darkness to come back again. But then I decided the darkness was not worth my time and energy once again and started to get myself on my feet. I still had a jackass for a mental health counselor at the time castle as I call her. Still do not a whole butt a******. I remember her name being Cassandra and I knew she was a pain in my ass to begin with I can remember when I first met her that we didn't drive together. She had her way set trying to assimilate me and I had my ways of celebrating who I am and it was just a big crap show right there and I didn't want to go through this anymore. So I got my act together and I stopped seeing her and that was the end of it. But am I perfect now so don't even bother asking that question I still have the odd behavior if I have a different Med in My medication like what I had my wisdom teeth taken out I had painkillers which really not needed and a antibiotic which cause psychotropic things that cause me to have other behavior that was beyond the norm for me even when I have a PTSD flashback this is something that was completely out of the norm for me and I didn't think and now I don't want to have to have surgery anymore because of the antibiotics and painkillers that would go through and rack my brain I was out of my tree for weeks that time. So that's basically the dark side of my life you may have heard about it plenty of times but that's what it is.