Sailing With Destiny

Nostalgic

"You're very quiet," I broke the silence. "It's rare that you aren't finding ways to get on my nerves."

Mila took a deep breath and half shrugged. "I have nothing to say."

I hate seeing her like this so fucking much.

"Shall I put on music?"

She still didn't look my way and shrugged again. "Whatever you want."

My fingers tightened around the steering wheel. I wanted to stop the car and shake the old Mila back into her. I played a huge role in her sadness, but I didn't think her state would've been that bad. 

I eventually put on the radio but kept the volume low. I couldn't even hear the music because my mind was preoccupied with Mila. She still smelled like her, sounded like her, looked like her but the essence of Mila that I loved so damn much wasn't there. The spark she possessed that ignited everyone and everything around had dimmed or worse, died out. 

"Are you cold?" I didn't wait for a reply and turned up the heat and switched on the seat warmer. "I have a jacket in the backseat if you want."

"I'm okay."

Mila hugged herself tighter and shifted her leg upward. My eyes automatically dropped down and I had no intention of telling her not to put her shoe on the seat. She glanced at me, and our eyes locked before she dropped her leg and rolled her eyes. 

"Freaking mechaphilia," she whispered under her breath. 

"I swear I wasn't going to say anything."

"You didn't have to," Mila retorted. "Your eyes were loud enough."

I looked between her and the road in front and was glad to see she still wore the diamond pendant I got her just after the accident. Light bounced off the diamond from outside and after she packed everything I gifted her in a box and sent it over, it was solacing that she still wore the pendant. 

"I'm waiting for the day he breaks up with his stupid cars," Mila muttered under her breath as she shuffled in her seat. 

Her words pinched a nerve and I felt guilty. If only she knew that breaking up with her was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. But it needed to be done for her sake more than mine. 

"Are you stalking me?" Mila spontaneously asked after a long moment of silence. 

"Pardon?"

She narrowed her eyes. "How did you know where I was tonight?"

"Paula saw you and told me about... the little show you were about to put on."

"I see," she mused. "So, like some knight in shining armor, you decided to ride on your high horse and come and rescue me."

"It's not like that. Paula said it looked like you needed –"

"You?" Mila cut me off. "I guess just like you, Paula didn't get the memo. I don't need you or anyone for that matter." 

I understood her anger toward me and knew I deserved it but the last thing I wanted was for her to take ten steps back from the progress she'd made. 

"Having someone take care of you when you're not at your best doesn't make you needy of them. It's okay to have a support system."

Mila fell silent and I glanced to check on her. She clenched her jaw and curled her hands into fists. I knew her enough to understand she was angry and I was the reason... again. 

"Mil-"

"Shut up," Mila snapped. "Please don't say anything or I will get out of this damn car right now."