No Nuance November

Rain

 The rain was deafening.

The only light was when the lightning flashed through the window.

His armor and clothing was cold and sopping wet, clinging to his body. He shivered as he lay on the floor trying to measure each breath.

In for four, hold for four, let out for four, repeat.

He always talked about doing it, he was never sure if he had the follow through to... well.

The rain from the open window he crawled through soaked into the carpet below. He didn't have the strength to get up and close it.

Not like it would stop him. He would still get in. He would always get in.

What Jason had done was beyond forgivable.

Any sort of positive progress made is gone now. Gone like the blood on the concrete would be once his body was moved, gone like his own childhood innocence, gone like dust in the wind.

Jason lay at the precipice of the worst panic attack ever. He should be trying to run, preparing to disappear forever or get ready to make a few more choices he realized he wasn't prepared to make. He thought he had been once, and maybe that had been true. A lot had changed between then and now.

He felt like he should sob, or that he should be elated. He'd done it. He'd really done it.

Why didn't he feel any better?

He'd never felt this empty- this dead. And he'd been dead.

Jason felt he could float into oblivion and he wouldn't be the wiser. Some second rate assassin could come in and kill him and he wouldn't even try to defend himself.

Had he wanted this to happen?

No? Yes? Maybe? Realistically leaning towards no?

Probably the last one.

Jason was never one to turn down a golden opportunity. Maybe this had been on instinct. That small part of him that wanted this was able to spot the perfect moment and take advantage.

He needed to shut the window. He needed to get up. He needed to prepare his next move. He needed to figure out how to curl into an even tighter ball and shrink into nothingness.

There would be a reaction. One that Jason needed to be ready for.

Whether or not this was the right choice, it'd been made. He can't back out now. He'd put his cards on the table. Jason was also never one to walk away from a challenge.

This was going to be the challenge of a lifetime.

He sat up and shut the window.

It's pointless to leave Gotham. It's not like Batman won't find him. Confidence is the most important part. He needs to plan his next move.

Really he needed to match what he did next. This was the moment he'd been waiting for.

Given what he knows about Bruce the next move Batman makes will be emotional. He can use that. Emotion isn't part of this.

He wanted this.

He did.

He couldn't be happier.

Jason goes to clean out the safe house of anything that can be used to locate him. They may be able to find him but he won't make it easy. He's honestly surprised they're not all over him now.

Maybe they're all too shocked at what he did to go after him. He's still shocked he did it.

He did it.