How do you heal?

Chapter 17: While You Were Out

In the weeks since his episode Bucky he'd been a mess. When Banner had told him Annie was being sent home to recover he had tried to see her before she left but Steve had stopped him.

"She's pretty hurt, Buck, she needs rest and I don't think it would be good for you to see her in her condition."

When Stark came upstairs Bucky had started to apologize but before he could even speak Stark went off on him. Listing off her injuries and claiming Bucky was irresponsible, dangerous and couldn't be trusted "YOU ARE LUCKY SHE IS TOO KIND FOR HER OWN GOOD BECAUSE THE ONLY REASON I'M NOT KICKING YOU OUT ON YOUR ASS IS SHE ASKED ME NOT TO." Stark told Bucky a condition of him being able to stay was that he had to attend therapy. "Annie will set it up when she gets back, until then I don't want to see your face."

So he had spent the time in his room, avoiding everyone and hating himself. Annie had been forgiving enough to let him stay but she asked that he be sent to therapy. Did she think he was crazy? Did she think he had meant to hurt her? He wasn't sure he would be able to face her again.

Three days after Annie had left Bucky still hadn't slept a wink. He kept going over that night trying to remember what he did, trying to think of a way to fix things. Bucky knew the compound was empty, Steve had come by his room to let him know they were all going to some halloween party Stark was throwing in the city, and he couldn't take laying awake staring at the same four walls anymore so he ventured out into the kitchen.

The normally spotless room showed clear signs that its caretaker was absent. There were dishes in the sink and crumbs on the counter tops. The chairs and stools, normally pushed in and straightened, looked like they had haphazardly been shoved towards their proper places. The sight made his heart ache so Bucky set to work righting it all. Thirty minutes later he was hitting the button to start the kettle and reaching under the island for his tin of tea but as he opened it up it was empty. He sighed and leaned over the island in frustration, pounding his fist into the counter top a few times. After a few minutes he reached back under the island and pulled out several more tins. Resolved to at least try and make something close to what Annie had.

Much to his own surprise when he tried the brew it was pretty damn close to the original. In a moment of contentment he reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, snapping a picture he thought maybe I can start with this. He opened his messages and went to send the photo to Annie only to realize he didn't even have her number, he had never needed it before, she was always here. Defeated, Bucky dumped his mug into the sink and went back to his room for another restless night.

The following Monday Bucky heard a knock on his door. "Hey, Buck, it's me. You got a minute?" Bucky opened the door to find Steve standing there with a folder in his hands.

"Hey, I just got an email from Annie, she asked me to give you this." Steve handed him the folder.

"What is it?" He asked as he opened it and began to scan through the contents.

"Directions, a schedule and some intake papers that I need you to fill out so I can get them back to her. You start therapy on Wednesday evening." Steve replied leaning against the door frame.

"Oh, uh yeah okay, I'll work on these and find you when I'm done." She thought he needed therapy so badly she didn't even wait until she was back at work. Fuck.

"You okay, Buck?" Steve asked.

"Yeah, I'm good. Like I said I will find you when I'm done." And with that he closed the door.

Bucky had attended his first session with Dr. Raynor and she had given him homework. He spent the next week following her instructions, getting out of his room and into the city, and journaling about his experiences for her to review. Late one morning he entered the kitchen to grab something to eat to find Stark, Nat and Steve standing around the island with an excited energy in the air. He hadn't seen Stark since the night everything had gone down so he just nodded and went towards the fridge.

"Barnes." Bucky turned at the sound of Stark's voice. "I've been told I have to apologize for my reaction a few weeks ago. I'm sure you'll be happy to learn Annie chewed me out for it this morning when she called to confirm her flight details. While I am still upset at the incident, she is right, you didn't mean to do it. She gets back tonight, so if you bump into let her know I did as I was told?" Stark nodded to Nat and Steve and walked away.

Annie will be back tonight.