How do you heal?

Chapter 7: And So I Ran

After Annie made them both tea she asked Bucky if he would watch a movie with her in her room to avoid the possibility of seeing anyone else. When she went into her bathroom to change Bucky idly walked around. The room had the same layout as his, large windows by the bed and a small couch and TV, decorated in earthy greens and blues. However, while the extra space in his room was still empty, hers had several small but crowded bookshelves and a plush chair in one corner, a cluttered desk in the other. He walked over to the desk and began to look around. It was covered in piles of letters, bills, and schedules. Notepads and pens stored neatly in little plastic bins. Along the wall behind it she had tacked up a dozen or so pictures. A few had young kids posing in what were obviously school photos, and others had Annie smiling or making funny faces with a tall, broad, dark haired woman with sharp features. As he scanned through them he stopped on one and bent in closer to inspect it. It was a sunny day and a younger version of Annie stood laughing in a simple white dress, flowers in her hands as behind her a man in a suit had his arms around her waist, leaning down kissing her cheek.

"His name was Charlie." Bucky whirled to find Annie a few feet behind him back in the oversized shirt and shorts from the night before, a sad smile on her face.

He stammered "I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to snoop I just..."

"It's okay." She said cutting him off and stepping up beside him. "Today is his birthday." They stood silently together for a minute and Bucky was unsure if he should say something when she continued. "We always used to go to this filthy run down Italian place for his birthday dinner because he loved their Alfredo. It was so gross and I hated going there. One year I spent weeks trying to recreate the recipe so I wouldn't have to go back but he just said I couldn't recreate the atmosphere." She took the picture from the wall. "Seeing as that place is back in Ohio I couldn't exactly keep up the real tradition but I found the lowest rated Italian place nearby and had dinner there tonight." She tossed the photo onto the desk and looked towards Bucky. "I'm not sure if I started crying because I missed him or because the food was so disgusting." She said, laughing softly.

"I'm sorry for your loss." Bucky said and Annie just shrugged moving towards the couch. He waited a beat before following her. "If you don't mind me asking how..how long.." He trailed off, unwillingly to say the words out loud.

"About nine months ago, car accident." She sat down and hugged her legs close to her body as he joined her. "We had been together for a decade and I felt like I had everything anyone could ever dream of, a great job, the perfect husband, the cute little house, even the damn dog." She stopped for a moment taking a deep breath, clearly holding back more tears. "After the accident I was so angry, how could my whole world, my whole future just be gone in an instant ya know? And how was I expected to live in our house, our life...without him? I got pretty bad, quit my job and stopped answering my phone. No one ever thinks they will be widowed in their thirties and I just didn't know how to process. My dad was worried, rightly so, and he knew if I was going to move on I had to get out of that space. He and Tony are old friends, so he called in a favor. Then six months ago I handed my house keys to my best friend, and got on a plane. I couldn't bring myself to put the house up for sale."

She leaned over and picked up her mug as he asked. "So getting away...did it help?"

Several emotions passed over her face as she thought about the question. "For the most part, yes. I honestly really like taking care of people so this job, being able to put my focus on others needs, was kinda perfect. Being in a totally new world, too far from home to run back and hide definitely helped clear my head...but there are still hard days, hard things. I think the insomnia is the worst, I'm not sure I will ever get used to sleeping alone." She chuckled a little as she put her mug back down and the tears started to come fully as she said "I never thought I would miss someone's snores."

As her shoulders began to shake with her sobbing Bucky reached over and pulled her in. He rocked her back and forth as he gently stroked her hair without saying a word. There was nothing he could say to ease her hurt but he could be here with her as she went through it. They stayed like that for a long time, Bucky couldn't see her clock but he thought it felt like hours and minutes all at once. Next thing he knew he was waking up to the early morning sun pouring in through the window, alone on her couch. He sat up and looked around the room for her but it was empty so he got up and walked toward the door. He opened it slowly to see if he could hear anyone in the hall before walking across to his own room. As he walked towards the bathroom he looked at the clock on his nightstand, 6:45AM.

Bucky showered quickly and got dressed before heading out into the kitchen at a little past seven. He walked in to everyone talking and eating at the table while Annie stood at the counter cleaning up. "Good Morning," she said, a bright smile on her face. He walked up to the island and leaned back against it as he watched her. "You're down a little late, hope that means you slept well. Do you want me to make you some fresh coffee?" She asked, pointing to the empty pot.

Bucky cocked his head at her. "Um, yeah I'll take some coffee. How are you feeling?"

Annie sighed deeply before turning to start a fresh brew. "I'm good." She said over her shoulder to him. She could feel Bucky watching her as she worked so she flipped the switch to start the machine and took a few steps back resting against the island next to him. "Thank you for last night. You didn't have to do that. And I'm sorry for the over sharing. I was just sort of in my feels and couldn't stop." She said softly as she crossed her arms feeling slightly embarrassed.

"Don't worry about it and I'm here for you if you need someone to talk to again."

She looked up at him as she chewed her lip, debating something in her head. "Can I ask a favor?"

"Anything."

"No one knows, well except Tony, about...about Charlie and I don't want anyone to find out and get the weird 'poor widow' vibes. I left that life and I'm not ready for it to blur into this one so..." She trailed off.

Bucky walked over and grabbed a mug, pouring himself some coffee before turning back towards her. "Secrets safe with me." He said as he smirked and took a sip.

Nat smiled to herself as she watched Annie and Bucky at the counter. "What are you smiling at Nat?" Sam asked around the bacon in his mouth.

"Not a thing." Nat said, sipping her own coffee.