The Story of us

Chapter 32:- Demons of the Past

The Encounter at the Party

Karishma cut ties with Ritika years ago. At first, she was running away from something and then the guilt of running away started consuming her. There were some times when she thought of clearing things up, but didn't find the courage to do so. So she tried to be okay with it. To live with the guilt of leaving her at her worst. But what should she do now? Is she ready for this encounter?

"I didn't know it was your party. " Karishma said avoiding making any eye contact.

"What are you doing here?" Infuriated Ritika asked.
"I came here with a friend and I thought you left India. "

"Oh! So you did care enough to know my whereabouts." Ritika's angered heels approached Karishma. " You stripped me from your life without saying anything. You ghosted me. And I was trying to figure out what made you do this. I still haven't."

Karishma saw the anger burning in Ritika's eyes. They were demanding answers. It was only because of Haseena that Karishma really started analyzing her actions. And especially the guilt she carried. It wasn't that Karishma was some stone-cold-hearted person who cut Ritika off from her life like a weed. She had her reasons, and she always thought Ritika understood.

"you really didn't get that? Tell me how come you never figured it out?" Karishma asked in a hope that she didn't have to explain it and live through her challenging times again.

"How was I supposed to? You were my best friend and when I needed you the most, you weren't there..No one was there." Not an ounce of disbelief or hurt was in Ritika's words. It was utter fury and hate.

Karishma thought perhaps the betrayal Ritika felt over the years transformed into hate. Could she blame her? "I know you won't believe me but trust me...I am still living with regret. It keeps haunting me. Had I known what was going on with you, I would have kept every selfish reason aside and have been there for you. I am sorry that you got to go through all of that." It was true. Had Karishma known the isolated, depressed and deranged state of Ritika, she would have never left her side.

"And what selfish reasons were they Karishma? You and your excuses. I called you for months, every day. Hoping that you would pick up at some point and I would be able to talk to someone about my situation. Truth is that you are heartless and pathetic. I cursed the day I met you. You can only bring pain and nothing else."

Ritika's words stung Karishma. Her vision was getting blurry. Again, she managed to hurt the person she cared about. Ritika is right. Karishma can only bring pain to people's life.
"You are right. It seems that I have ruined your evening. I am sorry. I should leave. And I promise that you will never see me again. I wish you all the happiness."

Ritika didn't care enough to notice the guilt-driven tears or how agonizing Karishma's body language was. She snapped " No Karishma! I demand answers. I deserve to know. Why when I left college you ghosted me out of the blue? I cannot wrap my head around it. One day we were best friends and the next day I never even existed for you. "

Karishma helplessly said "What do you wanna know? Do you even want to?" Ritika demanded answers but Karishma wasn't sure if Ritika was ready to get to the reasons. She paused for a bit and then she continued " Let me give you a hint. It's something we never talked about. We moved on as if nothing happened. "

"What are you talking about?"

"See...You never admit it or like to talk about it. I get that. Even I didn't want to. But these few months, I have been thinking about it and there is just one question that pinches me. Why have we never talked about it? Why we acted as if nothing happened?"

"What are you saying? What thing? Don't blame your insolence behaviour on something else. You know that you are at fault."

Karishma knew that there is no turning back if she went down this road. But it was about time she put it in light. "God Ritika, Enough! I am talking about the time you kissed me. And then several other times, we sure did something more than kissing."

Ritika stood there as she examined Karishma and a snort escaped "Seriously? That?" She raised her eyebrows in incredulity " It's been years and we were a couple of hormonal teenagers back then. Besides, that was just for fun. I never talked about it because I never thought about it."

Karishma wasn't sure how to respond to that. It was definitely not the reaction she expected.

Ritika said, "You should find a better excuse."

How can she say that? And What could Karishma possibly say? That the thing which was nothing for the person in front of her, changed her whole life? What should she tell her? That the thing Ritika regarded as nothing, dragged her to a dark phase from where she is still trying to get out? She spent years forgetting and then years being okay with it and some more years gulping down the regret of not being there when Ritika was left at the altar. The very thing was the core reason behind every anxiety attack, every emotional breakdown, every moment of misery, self-doubt and emotional harm. She inflicted so much pain on herself just trying to be okay with it. And all this time, it had been a meaningless fun? A silliness?

Karishma felt as if she lived in an illusion. They were so close at some point. There was a time when they used to get each other without words. And now Ritika won't even believe her?

She so needed Haseena by her side, to hold her hand. She no longer wants to live in the past, to carry the remorse for someone who perhaps never deserved it. She wants to hold Haseena and let out all the secrets she buried for years. She said firmly " I should go."

Ritika chuckled: yeah! That's what you do.

That cracked Karishma " I left because I couldn't get my head past the thing you never thought of." Karishma erupted "Okay...you know what...I wanna talk about it. Let's talk about it. "
"We had sex. And it wasn't a one-time thing. We were involved for over a year while you were still in a relationship with Sahil. We were so ignorant and naive that neither one of us stopped and processed what we were doing. How can you say that it was nothing? You were cheating and yet the thought never crossed your mind. When you Left, all I felt was shame. As if I cheated on Sahil. I thought you never talked about it because you don't want to jeopardise our friendship. And to be honest, after you left, even the thought of our association made me sick."

Karishma found herself blasting out things that she never shared with anyone. She was admitting some of those for the first time. She continued the trail of her unleashed emotions "Every time when you called or stopped by my house, I couldn't help but feel like I have done something wrong, something sinful. Something I can never atone for. You became the reminder of my regrets, my wrongdoings, and my fear of truth. There almost came a time when I didn't want to live anymore. I would have gone insane." Karishma paused for a breath and let out a sigh. "So I decided to cut you out of my life and I numbed myself so that I couldn't feel this embarrassment, this disgrace I felt for being me. I ran away from you so that I could survive."

"I know what you are doing. You are trying to make me feel guilty." Ritika said.

The only person before Haseena, who was ever able to make Karishma lower her walls was unhinged by the turmoil she just unfolded. For a moment Karishma overlooked Ritika's thoughtlessness regarding their intimacy, but how could Ritika be so insensitive? How come she cannot see how deeply it affected Karishma? Ritika's insensibility made Karishma question their time together. Was she the only one who was too invested in their relationship? Was it nothing more than an amusing little experiment?

Karishma felt so disheartened. "How dilutional and eccentric you can be? How were we ever friends? " Karishma no longer wished to continue this confrontation. " I'm gonna go. Haseena must be waiting. And thank god for this meeting. I have no regrets now. "

Ritika interrupted Karishma before she could get back to the party. " Haseena? As in Ahad's friend?"
Karishma: yes, I came here with her. Now if you will excu....

Ritika again interrupted in amazement. "Oh! so you are the Karishma." She took some time to fit in the pieces and then she laughed like a maniac.
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Still plenty to uncover. Have a good day!