"Grey" Fezco O'Neill x black fem reader

28- In case it's the last time

There wasn't much you could say about tonight. It was still somewhat early, but you were already exhausted. No, not sleepy or even tired, but just exhausted. You didn't tell Fezco how you were feeling, but you could only assume that he had picked up on it. You almost didn't notice where the familiar roads were leading as Fezco drove to your home instead of his. But you did notice your house when he parked in front of it.

You were quick to turn to him yet, Fez did not reciprocate.

"I thought I was spending the night?"

Your words hang in the awkward silence of the car for a long moment before Fezco speaks.

"Listen, I'ont know what's up with chu, maybe you wasn't feeling good, or maybe it's the food or maybe you just getting tired of doin' this." He pauses and takes a shallow breath while shrugging. "But if you not feeling it, that's fine. I know I got some shit going on, and I know with Rue you always got something to deal with, and if you starting to feel like It's too much I'm not gon force what's not there no more."

"What are you talking about?" You spoke louder than you realized, then you intended, completely caught off guard by his words.

With a surprisingly annoyed sigh, Fezco threw his head back, leaving you more confused.

"Are we- are you brea-" You laughed a humorless dry laugh.

Your brows pinched together tightly, and you looked at him with a baffled expression, and still he was saying nothing. Fezco wasn't fighting it or trying to clarify what he meant or correct you because he knew what he meant. And so did you.

"No." You were putting your metaphorical foot down. "No." You repeated. "We're not doing this. Okay I know there's a lot going on and- and I'm sorry for not being I don't more fucking enthusiastic about the dinner but right not I can't help it."

You started to speak and after that you almost couldn't control yourself.

"Every time I look at you, I think something terrible is about to happen. Like one moment you're gonna be here and the next you'll be gone."

The words spewed from your lips broken and cracked quickly, it started to become harder and harder to speak to breathe. Tears pooled in the corner of your eyes, overflowing onto your cheeks and slowly running down your face.

"I'm so fucking paranoid"

You finish, and really you knew you had more to say. There would always be more to say. Words that are never spoken, thoughts that stay only in your mind. Forcing your feet to move, you left the car trying to steady your breaths, imagining the temporary peace crying yourself to sleep would bring. If Fezco didn't want to be with you that was fine, you didn't want to fight it, well not any more than you already had.

Ears drowned in the sound of your own sobs, you didn't hear Fezco call your name or even get out of the car. You honestly didn't realize he had come after you until your bodies collided, until his arms were wrapped around you and your cries were being shushed.

"No, let go of me." You whispered, trying to break free from his hold under the impression that he was only comforting you because you were crying. "This isn't right, I shouldn't be the one crying."

"Come on baby you know you got a lot to cry about, you been holding onto a lot, you gotta let it go you know that."

But Fezco doesn't let you go, he keeps his hold tight, one of his hands cupping the back of your head. He tries to calm you down, but really all it does is make you cry more. The same thoughts, fears, and worries that kept you distracted during dinner were present now. You wanted to find comfort in his touch and in his words, but all you could think about was if this would be the last time.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I ain't mean what I said in the car." He holds your face to look you in your eyes. "You know that." He presses a kiss to your forehead.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry."

He chuckles, thumbs wiping away the tears that have ruined your makeup.

"Stop with all that apologizing."

You opened your mouth to instinctively apologize for over apologizing, but you stopped yourself. Or more so, the sound of the front door opening stopped you. You turned to find Rue standing in the doorway.

"What's up guys?" A curious Rue called to the two of you, before the curiosity quickly turned into concern once she saw the tears on your face. "Are you crying?"

"Uhh." You struggled to explain. "Fezco just tried to break up with me in the car."

Rue's face drops wide eyes looking back and forth between the two of you with a frankly hilarious expression. You decided to not give her any explanation beyond that. Instead, you gave Fezco a quick kiss and told him to get the food you hadn't eaten from the car. You gave it to her, having her promise to share it with Gia, then you and Fezco continued with the original plan for the night and went back to his place.

Although you'd kissed and "made up" it was clear your outburst per se had left a sour taste in both of your mouths, but you'd done enough crying tonight. So, like everything else, you ignored it and set it aside. Telling yourself the two of you would just talk about it later. Later, as in the future. The future where Fezco was safe and the dark cloud of fear didn't hang over you.

"What happened to your makeup?" Ashtray asked beside you on the couch.

The lack of light in the room combined with the dark lighting of the television made it hard to see the mess your face was, but Ash was paying enough attention to notice.

"Nothing."

"You sure?" He asks again, making sure it actually was nothing.

"Mmh." You gave him a small smile that didn't go anywhere beyond the slight curve of the corner of your lips.

Silently you crawled into bed and after a moment or two Fezco followed. The two of you settled into the sheets and into each other's bodies. Humming at the feel of his skin on yours, leaving a trail of kisses in the wake of your hands. You both knew you weren't planning on going any further, not tonight. Sometimes it was just nice to feel each other without any intention beyond just that.

For a few hours, peace reigned, but the sound of screams and gunshots ended that. The noise came from Ashtray's room and without thinking you and Fez jumped out of bed and ran to him. You both prepared yourself for the absolute worst of the worst, and what you found certainly wasn't what you were expecting. Ashtray's body was covered in a cold sweat, his hands were tight around a gun. It was too dark for you to tell what kind or what size, but it didn't matter, he dropped it when he saw the two of you.

His fingers scrambled to his forehead, pressing and scratching his skin as he mumbled something.

"B-b-b" He whispered into the darkness.

Still in shock from being awakened suddenly, you sighed and took Ashtray into your arms. Expecting some type of resistance from the normally sharp-edged boy, but receiving none. Instead, Ashtray clung onto you, his wide now teary eyes searched the darkness for what wasn't there. The police, the guns, the bullet. None of it was real. All figments of his imagination or, worse, a possible look into his future.

It was no doubt that the life Ashtray was thrown into shaped him. Forcing him to grow up and take on impossible responsibilities, but underneath the face tats and violence. Ash was a child. Now more than ever that was glaringly obvious to you. Holding him like this, shushing his cries and wiping his tears, it reminded you how young he really was. I mean, him and Gia were practically the same age.

When Ash fell asleep, you and Fez stayed up a bit longer in case he had another nightmare, it was best to already be awake. But sleep started to creep up on the two of you again. You pressed a kiss to Ashtray's forehead, the spot now red with scratches, whispering a small "I love you" to his skin before telling Fezco the same. God, as if you weren't paranoid enough.