Let me take care of you

Not ready yet

Charlie fell down, his knees screaming at the pain of slamming himself down on the hard gravely concrete floor beneath him. He seized his chest with his hand, grabbing just below where his neck was. He couldn't breathe, and he couldn't take his eyes off of that field, and that small green shed in the distance.

Nick got down on his own knee, quickly grabbing Charlie and pulling him into his arms,
"Charlie?! Charlie are you okay? Oh god, okay deep breaths." But Charlie couldn't do anything, he could see everything, he could hear his bones snapping, the feeling of that cold knife pressing against the warm skin of his shoulder, his raspy broken voice crying out for help, Ben's evil grin, his blackened eyes. He would hear his voice telling him to just give up.

And then he could hear the whispers, what he thought people said about him, what he thought they were thinking about him, and all of their eyes on him, he could feel it right now. Them all starting at his pathetic little body trying to regain control, and failing.

He then felt Nick shaking him, his eyes opened and that flashed stopped, there was only Nick's concerned face,
"Oh my god Charlie! I thought you were passing out, do you need me to go get someone? I'll get Mr Ajayi? Is that okay?" Charlie nodded, still fighting with his own body and feeling light headed.

Before he knew it he had been carried to his friend groups table with all of his friends around him holding him up. Nick meanwhile had already run as quickly as he could to go get Mr Ajayi, all the way at the art department.

This took a little while, so quickly, as soon as Nick left, people had started crowding, the kid who has been gone for so long having a panic attack out of nowhere, what a sight apparently, so if he didn't feel insecure before, the tens of eyes on him sure helped with that. They all looked so mesmerized, some had a look of pity along with it, others annoyance, some confusion, there was even boredom, as if they didn't care about the scene that was happening, he sort of wished they were all like that, that way maybe they would all just go away and stop making him feel so crushed, it was like they were closing in on him.

When was Nick coming back, how far away was the art department again? How long had it been, a minute? Ten? Oh god when would this be over, okay, just take deep breaths, deep breaths, why wasn't anything happening? Why was his body not doing what he told it to. Why were his lungs feeling smaller, his breathing getting quicker, all of the eyes piercing through his flesh, it felt like he was bleeding. He pushed himself further away, against the brick wall which the bench was against, trying to get away.

Soon enough, or not soon enough, Mr Ajayi was there, with Nick, who was sweaty and red and out of breath. Mr Ajayi first cleared everyone away, shouting at them to mind their own business. Charlie appreciated it, he was so glad that it was Mr Ajayi who Nick chose to get other then any other teacher, Mr Ajayi knew how to calm Nick down more than any anxiety professional would.

Mr Ajayi leaned down slowly over Charlie,
"Hey Charlie, it's okay, look, we're going to take you over to reception, you can calm down over there easier okay? Just try really hard to focus on your breathing." Mr Ajayi said in a calm voice lifting him up so that he could stand by placing a hand on his back and pulling him upwards. Charlie immediately felt his legs shake and fall under the pressure of his own body, he couldn't do this.

And then Nick lifted him up into his arms and carried him bridal style, walking quickly with Mr Ajayi by his side, and that was when he became worse.

Quickly, he remembered looking up, his vision blurry, seeing Mr Ajayis face, worried and looking straight ahead, running. The blood was staining Mr Ajayis shirt, Charlie's blood. Charlie remembered his vision fading, Mr Ajayi shouting at him, telling him he would be fine, as his vision faded into darkness and he felt life grasping onto him.

"No! I'm not going... I don't want to leave you all..." Charlie gasped between breaths, still hoping from real life to memory. Nick looked down, face even more worried,
"Charlie? What are you saying? You're not dying, your okay." Nick said, not sure what to do. He'd never seen Charlie have such a severe panic attack.

Charlie cried as they got to reception, Charlie was placed on a sofa. He grabbed hold of his shoulder, his nails digging deep into the old scar in his left shoulder, a deep, dark scar. He dug into it, breaking skin with his sharp nails and making himself bleed, he cried more.

Nick saw this,
"Charlie! What the fuck! Charlie don't do that!" Nick grabbed Charlie's wrist, holding him down, Charlie squirmed and gasped, more faces came into his sight,
"Okay Charlie, Charlie! Look at me!" Mr Ajayi said, his face close to Charlie's, still being held down by Nick. Charlie stopped squirmed, tears outing down his eyes.
"It's all just a memory, it's holding you back, it's pulling you into it, to relive it. You don't want to relive it again do you? Don't let it take control of your mind, what's happened has happened, you can't stop it now." He said, his voice edging to an almost pleading tone.

Charlie looked into Mr Ajayis eyes, he was right, but how could he just leave it like that, how could he not think about it, how could he let go?

"Think about your friend's, your family, they all want to creat new, better memory's with you, if you stay like this, let these bad memory's into your head, they could almost lose you again." Charlie stopped, he couldn't let that happen, he loved them all so much, he couldn't do that to them, he couldn't let them go through that pain again, he had to leave it behind, he wanted to be with them, to have fun again, to be happy again.

Slowly, his breathing slowed, Mr Ajayi smiled,
"I knew you could do it, I know your a strong boy Charlie. You'd do anything for your family. Mr Ajayi stepped away, a soft, comforting smile on his face, he crossed his arms and watched as Nick hugged Charlie hard,
"I love you so much Char', you are so amazing. I'm so glad your still here with me." He said, a whisper, which made Charlie smile. He hugged Nick back, burying his head in Nick's neck,
"Me too."