Chapter Thirty-One

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Bast helped Xenia lay the last few shingles onto the roof of the new cabin she and Jules would soon move into and took in the fresh scents around her. Mammoth was so peaceful. So right. Everything within her had changed so much over the last week.

Not only had she activated her shift, something no other hybrids could even do and was able to do so at will, but on top of that, she had better control over her emotions. She finally felt somewhat content. Yet there was something stirring within herself that left her shaken. Something that called to her and she couldn't ignore any longer.

A wave of nausea hit her and she felt dizzy for a moment. A strong hand held her upright and she looked to its owner, finding Xenia looking down at her dripping with concern.

"You alright, Bast?"

She shook her head, trying to clear it of her rising anxiety, yet it just wouldn't leave. Bast let Xenia guide her over to the edge of the roof and they both sat down together, dangling their legs off the ledge. Glenn came over and signed he was headed out for his regularly scheduled lunch break, then whistled to the others who were moving appliances into the cabin.

They all started making their way back to town and Bast nodded, then made moves toward the ladder, but stopped when Xenia took hold of her arm. "Hang back a bit. I want to talk to you in private." Bast gulped and sat back down beside her, feeling restless with her need to go for a run. As if sensing it, Xenia chuckled and Bast gave her a lazy sideways grin. "I get it. After the first shift, your animal just wants to run and run for days on end, but you've controlled it well. I'm proud of you."

Bast smiled into her lap at the encouragement. It wasn't the first time she'd received a compliment over the last week as she became a part of the community and she felt it wouldn't be the last, but that didn't change her inability to remain her habitually unabashed self.

She couldn't explain another thing either. She'd spent most of her time the last few days with Xenia, learning more of her people and everything she learned made her feel more connected to her and the pack. Even being around Glenn didn't terrify her anymore. She was still defensive and kept her guard up around him, but he was just so gentle and such a contrast to the humans who raised her. She somehow knew he would never do anything to intentionally hurt her. Now it was up to her to let the past go and try to live in the present. Which proved more and more difficult where Penelope was concerned.

It was like every bit of time they spent with one another scared Penelope. Like she was closing herself off to Bast the more she got to know her and that made Bast's blood run cold. While everyone else was so accepting and so ready to show her everything she didn't know about herself and her kind, even taking her in as their own, Penelope was still so estranged. No matter how long she thought of the matter, Bast just could rationalize it.

Bast felt the connection to Penelope, it was stronger than anything she had ever felt, but she could also feel that connection wavering and all the while her fox told her to make sure that bond was never severed. That it could not be severed and that it would only grow. Meanwhile, her jaguar told her that sometimes things didn't work out the way they were meant to and that being alone wasn't always a bad thing.

"I can see it, you know?" Xenia interrupted her thoughts and put a strong hand along the back of her shoulder.

Bast could feel the tears hanging in her eyes and fought not to lose them. "See what?"

"How Pen has been acting lately. It's been confusing me, too. And I can see you battling with both of your sides in trying to make sense of it." Xenia tilted her head down and looked into Bast's eyes. "Of how the way she's acting affects you."

Bast dropped her head and sighed. She rubbed her face with her hands and Xenia leaned in, rubbing the back of her newly shaved head. Xenia had cut her hair for her once she went through her first shift as a right of passage. It wasn't cut quite like the others because she felt wrong cutting too many of her braids off -- feline shifters tended to keep their hair in long braids -- but still made her feel more like one of them. Her top long braids bounced in front of her face and Xenia ruffled them with a chuckle.

"Tell me what's going on in that head, kit."

Bast dropped her hands down to her lap and watched her feet dangling along the edge of the cabin. "She... I can feel Penelope pulling away. I don't know why. She hardly even talks anymore."

"Have you tried talking to her?" She lifted her head and blinked a few times, making Xenia throw her head back in haughty laughter. She shook her head as she cleared her throat, and then looked back at Bast again with a sobered expression. "I take that as a no?"

"Um... No, I haven't."

"Jesus, Bast." Xenia ruffled her braids again and put her hands along the roof on either side of herself. She glanced up at the sun for a few moments with a long exhale, then looked back at her once more. "Until your second bond forms with her, you won't be able to know what she's thinking unless you ask her. That bond won't even form until you both can establish a solid line of communication. You have to both be willing to open up. Completely."

The tears broke and Bast's shoulders slumped. Had she really been so distracted, so idiotic not to notice just what they needed to do? Her worry consumed her and she just wanted to take Penelope into her arms, to be satiated by her scent and by the way Penelope touched her back. By the way that she looked at her.

"I really thought I had..."

Xenia gave her a look of concern and seemingly thought for a moment. "You're right. You have opened yourself up, a lot. About your past and toward us, your pack, but..."

"But?" Bast's voice cracked and Xenia smirked for a moment.

She placed her hand on Bast's thigh and nodded with renewed determination. "But have you opened up any more than that toward Pen? Have you told her what's going on in your head right now or what all these new things make you feel? Your likes, dislikes? The things you tell someone when you want to connect deeper with them?"

Bast just stared at her in pin dropping silence. What the hell was she talking about? Why would anyone want to know those things about her? What she liked? What she didn't?

"What difference would it make if I told her all that? Why would that be interesting to her? It barely interests me."

"You don't find yourself interesting?" The sympathy in Xenia's voice was tangible and like a warm blanket around Bast. She worried her bottom lip as she waited for Xenia's next words, who leaned in and rested her forehead along hers. She let her First Vixen's, her sister's scent and strength carry her to comfort. "You are. You are the first hybrid to ever shift, you fought against your blood ties and formed a bond with me, forming a bond with this pack in the process. You are a hard worker and your willingness to try and let the past go in such a short amount of time is empowering. I couldn't have pictured a better, more kind and thoughtful vixen myself. And I have been blessed with a sister in the process. Don't sell yourself short."

Is that really now she sees me? Bast studied her face for quite some time and found absolutely no sign of doubt. She nodded and they both pulled back. Xenia gave her an encouraging nod and she gulped again as her nervousness played in her mind.

"What... What if Penelope doesn't see it that way?"

"She is your mate, fox. Help her to see you. The real you." Xenia massaged the back of her neck once more, then let her go. "Just talk to her. Communication, Bast."

"Communication." Bast repeated with a more sure, definite composure.

Xenia was right. She needed to just talk to Penelope. They needed to learn more about each other and prove to one another their bond meant the world. It had worked with Xenia, and now Bast even held a familial bond with Jules. Bast wanted to know everything about Penelope that she was willing to offer and she knew that with that in her life, she would always be happy. With Penelope and her pack.

Her family.

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