Into deception

Train tracks

Something soft grazes my shoulders before I'm engulfed entirely in its warmth, I don't move away as my own scent calms me and I realize it's my coat.

- You left your jacket dumbass-  Ray signs to me giving me lop sided smile that I've grown to admire. He rarely smiles, it's as if his face isn't capable of such a motion until he does indeed smile, you can't help but chock on the air when he does because it's beautiful. So, I admire it when he blesses me with it.

"Thank you, dumbass" I say which leaves him rolling his eyes at me.

-Do you think you can come back, with us I mean? - There's hope in his eyes, there's hope in his whole body as he signs.

I look down at the grey pavement watching as the lights from the casino dance around on such a plain canvas. There's this light red that seems to flicker from its natural lightness to a much deeper red overtime and I just got to see it, for some reason this nearly makes me smile till I remember I still need to give my answer to Ray who's patiently waiting. He's always been so patient.

My head shakes side to side calmly, as if doing it slowly will lessen the blow I see painting over his smooth skin by the second.

"You know I can't" I feel hurt, sad that I can't stay with the people I've come to care for over time but I know it's just one of my many excuses. Truth is it's not that I can't, it's because I won't.

- Will you disappear again? - His eyebrows raise in what seems to be a teasing gesture but really, it's more than that, it's worry.

"I live here dumbass. I'm not going to disappear, promise" I smile at him. His eyes somewhat soften and I feel lighter for some reason.

- Stay in touch okay -

"You have my number, text me whenever you want" even though I know I shouldn't be using a phone at all it's the least I could do.

He nods smiling at me in the empty streets just as the other two walk out, they breath out tiredly and I watch as the cold air freezes their breaths in seconds. Winter is just around the corner, and I've never been more excited.

"Hey you leaving?" Will says looking between me and Ray as if it was obvious by just looking at us.

"Yeah, I need to head back it's late" My arms instinctively wrap themselves even closer to my body as the cold creeps up my bare legs. Wearing dresses in the winter has to be the stupidest thing anyone can do I swear. Then I look to where he is, like my eyes are magnetically charged at finding his only to see his jaw stiffen tighter as his eyes watch my hands hug my waist. His own hands curl into hard fists but before anyone can blink, he hides them in his coat's pockets like nothing ever happened. Always in control of everything just like he always has been. When I pull away from where his hands just were my eyes nearly meet his again, that was close, too close, like if you were walking in a crowd of people and nearly bump into someone except you notice them right at the last second. Your clothes might've touched each others just the smallest amount but skin to skin was avoided. Fuck.

"Well, don't be a stranger okay, stay in touch" he says that last part more like a warning and Ray nods in agreement fully on Wills side in this moment. I bite back a laugh, instead I smile and promise them I'll stay in touch just as long as I'm promised they will come over to mine when they can. They both laugh like it was the dumbest request, like they were always going to come either way. In that moment under the lights of red and black, beside a casino that has body's littered across the whole place, even with Bane in front of me, I'm happy.

- Stay safe, dumbass- Ray signs lastly as they begin to walk the opposite way, Bane has already crossed the street not once turning back and I'm glad.

"I will, dumbass" This time I do laugh as I turn around and walk down the dimly lit street.

So many things have crashed in my life, I sort of see it as this one big train. Like the ones that have rows of containers chained making this long chunky line. Each person in my life is like one of those containers, so many have crashed and burned, so many have simply unchained themselves and got lost behind and I'm at the very front. I try to slow down, to make it less of a bumpy ride, I try and stay strong so the chains don't grow old and snap, I try and keep the train as smooth as I can on a track that only wants to see me destroyed but I realized it's worthless trying to keep it all under control. I stopped caring how bad the tracks got, I stopped caring how many rows of containers I've lost, somewhere along the line I just couldn't bring myself to care anymore. And now, now I have two new containers I need to be careful with.

But the beauty in Will and Ray is that they can take care of themselves, they were born on rocky tracks and rusty chains. They adapt to anything and everything so when I finally come out of my thoughts I'm once again happy, at peace because I know they'll be fine on any track we get placed on. It's fine. Everything will be fine, it has to be. I have to be.