Cream of Tartar

Chapter 10: Party Time with the Lads!

When I wake up the next day, I finally remember my ItELWbUCSWMWBHNRtt2C1000 assessment - a 4108 word group essay discussing binomial distribution. Ugh, I can't believe how much work this will be. I fire up my laptop by lighting up some candles near it and pressing the on button and waiting for it to start up. I look at my background photo - a picture of my mom posing behind the Louvre 8 years before I was born and me badly photoshopped in next to her. I smile fondly at the photo and my memories of that day. That was such a nice trip to Peru. I can't believe how lucky I was to go there. I open up my second favourite web browser and get ready to do some research.

About fifteen minutes of staring blankly at the empty search bar, I reward myself with a light pat on the back. Good job Cemra.

I spend a further fifty minutes staring blankly at the screen before I decide that I deserve a break. I close my laptop, grab my trusty sphygmomanometer, and walk out of my bedroom door without telling Sue where I'm going because I'm mad at her for being mad at me for almost attacking her boyfriend and also because she's interstate visiting her parents this weekend.

I'm tempted to text Laim so we can meet up but he ditched me at the library and I'm still mad about that and he's visiting his girlfriend's boss interstate this weekend. I briefly consider reaching out to Tar but I don't have his number and besides he's always lunging at me anyway. I also heard from Laim that he's interstate visiting his grandparents' children and their neighbour's favourite zoo's leopard seal's least favourite seal kitten, Coco. Man I could really use some friends, some within state friends.

I crawl over to the nearest park bench and begin sobbing about my loneliness. 2 hours later, when I have physically run out of tears, I regain my composure and slap myself 38 and a half times on my right cheek. I get to my feet and walk around campus staring absentmindedly at my surroundings until a poster catches my eye: Fire extinguisher below and another one Hinder: are you looking for a hot date who you will fall madly in love with and introduce to your friends and family as "the one" at your 18th birthday party a few hours before you see her making a sex tape with your best friend in your childhood bedroom, the catalyst for you becoming an incel who just wants everyone to feel the same hurt and betrayal that you experienced by creating a dating app that purposefully matches incompatible people? Yes, I think to myself, I want that more than anything. I continue reading, Then come on down to the hottest dating l-o-c-a-t-i-o-n on the whole of campus! This is all followed by a date and time. I check the calendar application on my phone by tapping the calendar icon that says 'Calendar' under it. That was last Tuesday! I stomp my feet in anger and shake my phone vigorously trying to rewind time. Wait a second, that's tonight! Silly me, I got my years mixed up. I check the time by opening the clock icon that says 'Clock' under it - 10:30AM. Knowing how utterly useless I am, I start my journey to the mystery location for the mystery event that starts at 6pm.

I plug the latitude and longitude into the geographical navigator application on my phone and wait for it to tell me where to go. I spend 15 minutes trying to work out which direction it is telling me to go in, another 15 using the compass app in the hopes that it will help me, and a further 15 sitting down because I was so tired from the first 30 minutes of navigation.

By approximately 6:05:27pm, stopping only for 2.67 hours for lunch at the most popular coffee shop/Italian fusion restaurant on campus - Rattucino - which very conveniently was in the opposite direction, I arrive at the mystery location. I sink to my knees and wail in despair, not the extremely energy inefficient frat house! Not again! Why won't they ever turn off their heaters? Have they never heard of climate change?

I leap to my feet in protest. I will not stay here and contribute to global freezing! I'm almost past the white picket fence when I feel someone's eyes on me.