Cream of Tartar

Chapter 2: Accidental Thief

By the time I'm awake, we've arrived at the University of the Rat Boyz. I can't believe I'm actually standing here at the University of the Rat Boyz. The University of the Rat Boyz is one of the most prestigious universities in the country and I worked my ass off for my 0.01 GPA to get into the University of the Rat Boyz, unlike my peers who spent their school years consuming alcoholic beverages and doing the drugs and other unsavoury things, like canoodling.

We walk into the first building we come across at the University of the Rat Boyz and come face to face with a desk, a receptionist, and a big sign that says 'Admin'. I think this is the University of the Rat Boyz' admin.

"Can I help you?" the receptionist asks as she looks directly at me.

"Yes, we're looking for a key for my daughter's room," my mom rudely interrupts.

'Ugh, Mom, she was talking to me. Why do you always have to ruin everything?" I stomp my feet.

"You want to talk about ruining everything? Talk to your father about that. He ruined our perfect little family the moment he fled the country and changed his name because he was too much of a coward to admit that he had been having an affair with most of his coworkers."

I press the palm of my hand into my forehead, "Mother, can please you be quiet?"

"You want to talk about being quiet? Talk to your father about that too. He has been remarkably quiet since the moment he fled the country and changed his name because he was too much of a coward to admit that he had been having an affair with most of his coworkers."

I can see other students and their parents lining up behind us as I try to stop my mother from ruining my life even more, "Mom," I say gently, "No one gives a shit."

The receptionist leaps to her feet and applauds. The people behind us join in. So does my mom. So do I.

"What's your name, sweetheart?" the receptionist asks.

"My name is Ceramicus Nesoromys but I prefer to be called Ceram and I will literally stab anyone who calls me otherwise," I say with a saccharine grin.

"Ceram, what a beautiful name." 

I beam at her. 

"That's what my son calls his pet sewer rat," she continues.

A single tear rolls down my face. 

"Here's your key. You'll be staying in room 29755, it's right next to rooms 29754 and 29756. Now if you ever need any help, do not hesitate to come down to admin when I'm not working."

I snatch the keys out of her hands. How rude.

We walk up the 29700 flights of stairs and wander up to the door labelled 29755. It is between rooms 29754 and 29756! That admin bitch was right. I knock on the door before pushing the door open. Inside, my new roommate is lounging on her bed, which is covered in empty chip packets - salt and vinegar flavour - as well as a few opened DNA tests. I cannot (brown) bear to look at the eyesore for more than a second and shift my vision to the roof; a taxidermy rat dressed in a tutu greets me. Aww cute. There is a strong haze of salt and vinegar in the room, mixed with what I can only imagine is drug scent. Her ears are covered in piercings, along with both eyebrows, her lip, her neck, and her forearms. She's texting furiously on the phone and doesn't notice us entering the room. I cough loudly. Her head jerks upward 88.3 degrees and she stares at me, surprised.

Credit where credit is due, she recovers quickly.

"Hey! You must be... Ceram! I'm Sue, your new roommate."

I'm just about to wave back and greet her but I feel a hand clench around where my bicep muscle would theoretically be. I'm yanked backwards out of the room before I even have a chance to respond. For a moment, I feel like I'm flying - which is a dream come true - but then reality hits and I'm sad again because I'm not really flying, I'm just faced with my very angry mother.