What Is Love

New Plans

After we left the New Years Party I was a little all over the place but Tim took me back to his place and we just relaxed. The mood had kind of been set but something was holding me back and it didn't help that while we were having sex I accidentally shouted out Abel's name.

Me, "Tim I'm so sorry, I really didn't know that was going to happen"

Tim, "I would say that it's okay but based on this night and overall experience out here I don't know if it is"

Me, "I mean, this can't be all on me. We were just at a party and my ex happened to be there. It's always awkward seeing him and this was strange tonight. But don't worry I promise it won't happen again"

Tim, "I mean I know that you two were in a strong relationship and it was complicated and all but we were just having sex and he's the first person on your mind. That's a bit fucked up"

Me, "okay. I know and I'm sorry. Can we just forget this and try to move on?"

Tim, "I'm not really in the mood anymore. Why don't you go back to your hotel. I have to get up early tomorrow for a gym session and I know that you hate when I wake up and mess your sleep up for the gym"

Me, "I mean it you want me to. But promise that you won't stay mad at me for too long. We're on vacation and we're going to have to head back home to New York. I don't want things to be messed up between us because of my stupid mistake"

Tim, "listen I understand. Now come on. I need some sleep before this vacation comes to an end and I have a feeling that we are going to be hanging out tomorrow with some friends of yours so you'll see me"

Me, "okay. Have a good night. I'll wait for the car downstairs"

As soon as I called for my car they told me that they would be there in under 5 minutes. I felt bad for the whole Tim situation but he was acting like this was bigger than it seemed. If he was going to be all pisses at me then I wanted to have some alone time to enjoy my vacation. Heading back to New York would just mean more work for our relationship because of the work obstacles. Anyways as I was walking out of the building I looked at myself in the hallway and had to do a double-table. I was out here looking like some type of supermodel and you know I had to take one for the Gram. I commented @kamakazii_kaiyah outfit still on fleek. On that model flow. #LaNights,#NewYears,#loveandlive life. I put it up and then get a dm from a surprising person, Lamar, Abel's best friend. At first I wasn't going to respond to him but something told me that I should go ahead and just see what happens. By the time that I made it into the taxi I was about to exchange numbers with him but Tim popped back into my head. When I made it back to my hotel Samaya was lying on my bed and I was starting to freak out because I thought that it was Abel.

Me, "oh my god Samaya don't do that. You nearly scared the shit out of me"

Samaya, "what are you doing here? I thought that you were spending the night with Tim. Weren't you two leaving the party together?"

Me,"its a long story. Thing are so complicated with him and as usual it's my fault. I mean why do I have to be so fucked up? Now why are you in my room?"

Samaya, "I was waiting up for you to come back but based on your Instagram pics it looked for sure that things were going well with you. Now what happened and don't leave out any detail"

Me, "it's honestly la. Ever since we got here I've been hanging with people that I shouldn't be and its messing up my relationship. Now at that stupid party Abel was singing and then it got all uncomfortable and I ended up screaming his name out while having sex with Tim. Now what the hell am I supposed to do now?"

Samaya, "you did what? Are you serious? That's such a blow to a mans self esteem. What did he say?"

Me, "it's not like I intentionally tried to do that to him. I mean it's never happened before and I hope it never happens again. I know that is terrible to happen but I think he's tired of me. Honestly he looked so done and there's only so much I can say to him about Abel. I mean he wouldn't understand half off be stuff that went on between me and him and then Lamar started talking to me and I don't know whether to give him my number or not"