For Worse or For Better- Book #6 in the WF Series

Chapter 32: Panic

Have I ever made Roman feel annoyed about saying no to him? Does he sometimes think that I'm ugly while we're having sex? I'm not in his mind, I don't know what goes on twenty-four-seven.

"Aubrey just finished her food, do you mind taking her out of her chair and giving her a bath? I have to go shower." I immediately decide that it'd be best if I left the room because of my suddenly shaking hands.

Although, right as I'm standing up, Roman catches the trembling and I curse at myself for not hiding it better.

If more of my clothes had real pockets, I would be able to do so much like hide my hands when they start shaking. It would be so convenient.

"What's wrong?" He walks directly in front of me, his hand going to my cheek, but with everything in my head getting spun around, I flinch so hard that you would think he came at me with lightning speed.

His worry skyrockets instantly because of my reaction, his facial expression showing he's definitely on edge now.

"Alaiya, I'm not going to hit you," he reassures me.

Then why isn't my mind telling me the same thing? Please make it stop.

"I...I have to shower. Please watch Aubrey." I walk around him and bolt down the hall before he even gets a chance to stop me.

I shut the bathroom door and quickly turn on the shower so if Roman comes into our bedroom which he most likely will, he can't hear my panicked sobs and fast breaths that practically sound like I'm hyperventilating.

He ends up knocking only a few minutes later, asking to let him inside so he can see what's wrong.

I don't answer.

He knows very well how much I hate crying in front of him because I was told my entire life that it makes me look weak. That may be why he thankfully doesn't barge in. Though, he does say that he's waiting outside so when I'm ready, he needs to see what happened.

My anxiety attack lasts for about fifteen minutes.

It's the rest of the thirty minutes of feeling completely empty, but full of disgust with myself that takes a lot out of me.

I'm embarrassed. I'm so embarrassed. People talk about anxiety and panic attacks, but no one ever tells you about you feel like the most embarrassing person in the entire world. No one tells you how your brain manipulates you into thinking that your panic or your problems aren't real and you're just asking for attention.

In my opinion, that's the worst part.

I walk out of the restroom and see Roman tickling Aubrey whose laughing hysterically on our bed. A big grin is on Roman's face from seeing our daughter laugh so hard because of him and from most likely just hearing the sound of her laugh.

The second he hears the door open though, he kisses Aubrey's head before walking over to me. His hands go to both sides of my cheek as slowly as possible, yet I still curl my toes for no apparent reason.

"What happened?" His voice is so soft, almost like a whisper.

My eyes hurt and so does my chest.