Stories in the Saiki K Universe

Saiki K Says "Bi" to His Girlfriend?... Part 1 of 2

My name is Kuriko Saiki, and I was born with psychic powers. If you've paid attention to my hit TV series, you'll know this is my female form. I've been called Kusuko in this form as well, but I prefer Kuriko. Every so often, I transform from Kusuo into Kuriko -- like the time when Takashi and two other idiots were playing a prank on Mr. Matsuzaki.... or the time I lied to Teruhashi and pretended to me by own sister... This time, I was trying to trick my friend Kaidou into going away so that I could spend time with my girlfriend, Mikoto Aiura. My plan didn't work out perfectly, but thankfully it wasn't a total disaster. Here's what happened... 

AIURA
(grabbing SAIKI as he stands there stiffly)
Kusuoooooo!... Let's go on a date tonight!

SAIKI
[This boyfriend-girlfriend thing is time-consuming].

AIURA
(slapping SAIKI on the arm)
Kusuo, you know I heard that!... This "thing" is our relationship!... Now you owe me an extra smooch! (grabs SAIKI and kisses him on the cheek)

SAIKI
[More smooching. There's always smooching. Nonstop smooching].

AIURA
(slapping SAIKI on the arm again, then looking at him with twinkling eyes)
I'm sensing something, Kusuo.... oh yes.... a strong emotion... I could sense it from a mile away...

SAIKI
[Yes, I'm sensing the same thing. At the risk of disappointing you, it's actually... ]

KAIDOU
(jumping in front of them, coming out of nowhere, holding a hand over half of his face)
I'm sensing it too, Aiura!... I heard mysterious murmurings coming from this hallway. It must be the work of DARK REUNION!

SAIKI
[... Kaidou. Right on cue].

AIURA
(slightly annoyed)
Kaidou?... What are you doing here?... Kusuo and I were having a private moment, if you know what I mean...

KAIDOU
(still keeping his hand over half of this face, ignoring what AIURA said)
This is serious business! I'm sensing darkness... emptiness... a deep and intense long for... 

SAIKI
[Dinner. I'm starving. Maybe ramen and coffee jelly?... Where's Nendou when you need him?... Wait. Did I really just say that?...]

AIURA
(eyeing KAIDOU skeptically)
I'm not sensing any darkness or emptiness or any of that stuff, and unlike you, I actually have powers.

KAIDOU
(suddenly gripping his arm)
There's a dark force at work here!.. and I -- THE JET BLACK WINGS -- might have to release BLACK BEAT to defeat these evildoers!

SAIKI
[Typical Kaidou. He doesn't know when to quit].

AIURA
(raising her fist at KAIDOU)
You know maybe the darkness you're sensing is me.... a strong woman!... fed up with your fantasies!... ready to punch you in the face! Did you ever think of that, JET BLACK WINGS MAN?

KAIDOU
(gulping and afraid, starting to sweat)
Umm.. well... maybe I should just.... um.... maybe you're right...

SAIKI
[Kaidou learns quickly. Now that I've been dating Aiura for two weeks, I've realized she's always right.... Yes, dear. Of course, dear. You're right, dear...]

AIURA
(suddenly eyeing SAIKI and squinting, and then turning back to KAIDOU, speaking calmly)
Listen, Kaidou.... I know you're trying to help... And the absolute terror you felt when I threatened to punch you, well, it sorta made me feel bad... 

KAIDOU
(quickly wiping the sweat from his forehead and standing with his hands on his waist)
Aiura, you have much to learn about THE JET BLACK WINGS!... I was just pretending!... Play acting for the purpose of espionage!... It's a necessity when you're a secret magical ninja assassin, masquerading as an average high school student.