Stories in the Saiki K Universe

The Disastrous (Love) Life of Saiki K Gets Even Worse

My name is Kusuo Saiki, and I -- oh just forget it. My powers have done nothing to help me lately, so I won't even mention them. I'm here to share yet another debacle, none of which would've ever happened if Hisoka and Machi hadn't suddenly stepped through the inter-dimensional portal and landed right in front of PK Academy. For the past few days, I've come to realize that their incursion into my universe is what caused this entire mess. There's a tear in the fabric of space-time, and it's allowing the essence of their universe -- and other universes -- to leak into mine. For some reason, it's causing every girl I know to come after me like a shark sensing blood in the water. At this stage, I'm at my wit's end, and I'm even considering enlisting the help of Aiura and Toritsuka -- but not yet. I'm going to see what I can do to fix it before everything spirals out of control....

SAIKI
(opening the front gate of his yard and walking out)
[Ah. Such a nice peaceful day].

AKECHI
(coming out from behind a bush in Saiki's yard)
Good morning, Kusuo, I'm here to profess my undying love for you.

SAIKI
[Good grief. Everything is already spiraling out of control].

AKECHI
(ignoring Saiki's silent stare)
Ever since we first met as children, I've deeply admired you. You saved me from those bullies, and for that, I've been eternally grateful. As I reflect on that defining moment, I often wonder why you helped me. Was it kindness? Was it friendship? Was it something more? I've tortured myself with these questions for years. I sometimes lie in my bed at night, staring at the ceiling, reliving those moments on the playground. And then I think of that look on your face, that confused... lost... forlorn look.... I always believed it to be a red herring, as you likely wanted to throw me off the trail of understanding your psychic abilities. But now I know the truth. You were longing for me, Kusuo. Your heart was fluttering just as mine was, but you never had the courage to admit it. And now I stand before you, a long-time comrade and companion, offering you my undying devotion.... and I'm not surprised by your silence.... as I've come to cherish your thoughtful and contemplative nature...

SAIKI
(removing the earbuds that he conjured up while Akechi was rambling)
Good morning, Akechi. Did you say something?
[I know very well what he just said. I'm just never going to acknowledge it. As a disclaimer: It's perfectly fine if Akechi is gay. That's not the problem. I just don't want anyone to like me that way, whether it's him, Teruhashi, Aiura, or anyone else].

AKECHI
(stunned)
Earbuds?... But you didn't have earbuds before. I was watching intently. I don't recall you having earbuds before. That's very odd -- very odd indeed, Kusuo! (squinting)

SAIKI
(just staring silently)
....

AKECHI
(seemingly unphased)
Well, anyhow, I was explaining my undying devotion for --

NENDOU
(suddenly appearing out of nowhere)
Heyyyy, buddy!... oh hey, Akechi!... You know, the funniest thing just happened. I was walking out the door, and then the next thing you know, I'm right here, faster than lightning!

AKECHI
(turning to Nendou with excitement)
Are you saying Kusuo teleported you here? I knew it! I've known along! Kusuo has psychic pow --

NENDOU
(laughing loudly, drowning out what Akechi was saying)
Teleported?... Whaddya think this is?... an episode of STAR TREK?... (still laughing)... I got here quickly because I'm the fastest runner in the school. Everybody knows that! I even beat Hairo!

SAIKI
[I never thought I'd be saying this, but thank God for Nendou].

AKECHI
Nendou, I must say, you're disturbing us. Kusuo and I were in the middle of an important conversation, and we hadn't finished yet. Perhaps we can catch up with you later. We have important business to discuss.