The beginning poems of this chapter are inspired by lyrics from "my little dark age.' A hopeful vent chapter.
TW: CSA
Breathing in the dark
There is no pretty way to put it.
I am rotting in that household.
Everything that makes sense is slipping through my fingers like sand.
I am directionless but I simply haven't a clue.
I am not a mess you have to clean up,
I am not someone who needs to be fixed,
I am not the problem,
Yet I am treated that way.
Where does one go from here?
Do I clench my teeth through the rest of my childhood?
Do I leave? Where will I go?
It seems I have learned to take it, like I always do.
All limits of disguise
I think I know how to play a part better than most.
I see and understand the value of keeping things hidden.
They can't spit on the sidewalk what they don't see.
It's an unfortunate truth but it is one I hold close.
I am not a victim. I will not hear you after saying that word,
But the abuse I lived through taught me how to pretend.
Painted with a scar
I am not a victim.
I lived through what I did by gripping onto what I had tightly.
Those nights continue to be a wound that will not heal.
I was torn into half, the rape made the peices smaller.
But I hope more than anything that this will not define me.
I will not be the boy who died because someone hurt him.
I do not care what this looks like, but it will happen.
I am scarred, wounded, bleeding onto the concrete.
But this will not be the death of me.
He ripped me in half,
But he did not kill me and I will not let him.
I will find what I do
I spent far too much of my life thinking I wanted it to waste anymore time thinking I do.
As if the begging and screaming were anything but a desperate attempt to end the abuse.
So no, I did not deserve it and I will find what I do.
I will find the peace I am looking for.
I will find the happiness I deserve.
I don't know where I will see it, but I assure you, I will.
YOU ARE READING
Letters from sixteen
PoetryA poetry book I wrote during periods of my life with many different facets. I wrote about happy moments, addiction, and trauma, the book becomes more depressing as it goes on. I choose the title "letters from sixteen" to capture how I wanted to capt...
