Raining

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Summer after sophomore year
This summer I figured I'd be spending time in the sun with others looking for the same kind of enjoyment.
It ended up an isolated, surreal, blur of a season.
I've spent most of my summer alone, trying to make sense of what likely never will.
I haven't spoken to most of my friends for the majority of the summer.
I've spent a vast amount of time alone in my bedroom, unable to think of going out.
It's passed me by like a movie I can't quite understand the plot line of.
I don't remember much of any of it, and enjoyed far less.

Is this just how it is?
I've grown accustomed to the quiet sense of disease.
I've come to find a familiar feeling in the early hours of the morning.
I've become so used to it I'm left to wonder, is this just how it is?
It's not for a lack of trying, I feel as if I've done nearly everything I can think of to have a sense of peace,
Yet my poems still pour like the rainy night sky.

Someday soon
In my life, experiences have been colored by a deep sense of dread,
A dread of days passed, and days that lie before me.
It's all been tainted by a dark grey that prevents an accurate perception.
But someday soon all my hard work will pay off.
Someday soon I will be free from the past that has a hold on me.
Someday soon I will write poetry about the shining sun and happiness in my heart.
Someday soon I will spend time alone not because I have no other choice but because I take pleasure in my own company.
Someday soon I will look at my to-do list, excited for the day ahead.
Someday soon I will stay up until sunrise because I wish to see the light peak through my window.

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