This chapter is about my life right now. (Thriving)
Tw: CSA
There is no room
I am losing my mind.
I am disconnected in a way I cannot explain,
I live in a constant fog.
I am unable to trust my perceptions,
My hallucinations have become more lifelike than they ever have before.
What am I supposed to do when I cannot trust my own senses? Is there anything left after that?
And during these hard times there is no room for me.
There is too much flying by for me to sit down and have a conversation about this.
How am I to tell my mother I am unwell when my sister is unconscious?
I understand that this sense may not be as real as it seems.
I will find the room if it is not already there,
I will push until things make sense again.
Uneasy
I am starting to feel lost in my own home.
Though the past has ended it lingers.
It lingers in my bedroom, the bedroom it all happened in.
The bedroom I thought I might not make it out of.
It lingers in my previous bedroom,
The bedroom where I was hurt for the first time.
I thought maybe it would bring me peace to sleep somewhere else.
That bedroom used to be his but it's not anymore.
I hung hearts and clouds on the wall, because maybe this would be different.
But it isn't.
He kept the things I gave him in the corner of the room.
All the stickers, drawings, paintings, even a book I made.
I felt guilty not giving him gifts around the holidays so I did.
I wonder why he kept them all there.
Maybe he wanted to forget the things he did to me.
Maybe he felt guilty throwing it away.
Maybe it's a possibility I don't want to see.
I don't know where to go anymore.
YOU ARE READING
Letters from sixteen
PoetryA poetry book I wrote during periods of my life with many different facets. I wrote about happy moments, addiction, and trauma, the book becomes more depressing as it goes on. I choose the title "letters from sixteen" to capture how I wanted to capt...
